This Must Be The Place

all i really want/is some peace, man

2006-03-21T23:43:00.000-05:00

how many rules can i break/how many lies can i make/how many roads must i turn/to find me a place where the bridge hasn't burned

2006-03-20T23:35:00.000-05:00

nothing to report. other than i don't like George's hair so short on GRAY'S ANATOMY and how come Mary Kay Place is always awesome? okay.

title quote: Brandi Carlile, "What can I say" from BRANDI CARLILE
dvd player: HIS GIRL FRIDAY
bookbag: Sarah Dunant/THE BIRTH OF VENUS
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-7
listening to/playlist du jour:
Caetano Veloso/If it's magic, A FOREIGN SOUND
Patty Griffin/Every little bit, LIVING WITH GHOSTS
Joni Mitchell/Help me, COURT AND SPARK
Indigo Girls/Touch me fall, SWAMP OPHELIA
Aimee Mann/Momentum, MAGNOLIA
Paula Cole/Throwing stones, THIS FIRE
Mary J. Blige/MJB da MVP, THE BREAKTHROUGH
Sinéad O'Connor/I am stretched on your grave, SHE WHO DWELLS...
Jill Sobule/Supermodel, JILL SOBULE
Indigo Girls/Peace tonight, COME ON NOW SOCIAL
The Carpenters/(They long to be) Close to you, FROM THE TOP
Alison Krauss/I'll fly away, O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU?
Fiona Apple/Tymps (The sick in the head song), EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE
Simon & Garfunkel/America, ALMOST FAMOUS
Bonnie Raitt/Thing called love, R-E-S-P-E-C-T: A CENTURY OF WOMEN IN MUSIC
Blossom Dearie/Someone to watch over me, THE DIVA SERIES
Catfish Scar/Like a wave, SAVE ME
Juliana Hatfield/Everybody loves me but you, HEY BABE
Talking Heads/Burning down the house, SPEAKING IN TONGUES
Holly Palmer/Superjones, I CONFESS
Jesus & Mary Chain/Head on, 21 SINGLES
Ben Folds/Hospital song, THE UNAUTHORIZED BIOGRAPHY OF REINHOLD MESSNER
Willie Nelson/Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other
Nina Simone/Suzanne, THE VERY BEST OF NINA SIMONE
The Eurythmics/Would I lie to you?, GREATEST HITS
The Cars/You might think, HEARTBEAT CITY
Sarah McLachlan/Wait, FUMBLING TOWARDS ECSTASY
Cyndi Lauper/She bop, THE BODY ACOUSTIC
Talking Heads/Making flippy floppy, SPEAKING IN TONGUES

Midway along the journey of our life, I woke to find myself in a dark wood.

2006-03-20T00:23:00.000-05:00

"You are not alone, you know," I said. "I think many people at some point in their life feel darkness around them, as if they have fallen from the hand of God, slipped through His fingers onto the rocks below. I believe Dante felt that too. I think his great talent somehow made it harder for him. As if more was expected of him because so much was given. But if he could find his way back again, so can we all." -Sarah Dunant, THE BIRTH OF VENUS

fucking awesome book. definitely going to read IN THE COMPANY OF THE COURTESAN next. but then Harry Potter, I swear! ok... truth be told, i've been reading the first Harry Potter book at work, but only a bit at a time as i feel incredibly guilty about reading on the job, despite the fact that it's usually when i've worked my ass off and have nothing left to work on. realized tonight that my job is this: work hard all week long, organizing & alphabetizing section. take off Friday/Saturday. come in Sunday to find that it's all completely fucked up. work hard all week long, organizing & alphabetizing section. take off Friday/Saturday. come in Sunday to find that it's all completely fucked up.... awesome. i will miss the place when i leave, though. wish i could just be irresponsible though and fucking leave already. i'm so ready to be home again. i don't know if it's going to be possible for me to be any unhappier in the next four months than i am now, knowing where i belong and missing it so much. ahh, anyway.

playlist du jour:
Bread/It don't matter to me, RETROSPECTIVE
Aimee Mann/King of the jailhouse, THE FORGOTTEN ARM
War/Spill the wine, BOOGIE NIGHTS
Rickie Lee Jones/Company, RICKIE LEE JONES
Hole/Good Sister/Bad Sister, PRETTY ON THE INSIDE
Aimee Mann/Red vines, BACHELOR NO. 2
Phil Collins/One more night, HITS
Annie Lennox/A whiter shade of pale, MEDUSA
The Magnetic Fields/Let's pretend we're bunny rabbits, 69 LOVE SONGS
Robbie Williams/Let love be your energy, LIVE AT KNEBWORTH
Yumeji's theme, IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE
Ben Vaughn/Psycho Beach Party main title, PSYCHO BEACH PARTY
Cassandra Wilson/If loving you is wrong, GLAMOURED
Gwen Stefani/Hollaback girl, LOVE.ANGEL.MUSIC.BABY
Indigo Girls/Center stage, INDIGO GIRLS
Dido/All you want, NO ANGEL
Letters to Cleo/Acid jed, WHOLESALE MEATS AND FISH
Robbie Williams/Handsome man, ESCAPOLOGY
Madonna/Material girl, LIKE A VIRGIN
Jude/Red room, KING OF YESTERDAY
Neko Case/Maybe sparrow, FOX CONFESSOR BRINGS THE FLOOD
Liz Phair/Go west, WHIP-SMART
Erasure/A little respect, THE INNOCENTS
k.d. lang/Simple, HYMNS OF THE 49th PARALLEL
Joni Mitchell/Chelsea morning, CLOUDS
10,000 Maniacs/Jezebel, MTV UNPLUGGED
Kylie Minogue/Confide in me, KYLIE MINOGUE
Joni Mitchell/Come in from the cold, DREAMLAND

The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.

2006-03-17T18:36:00.000-05:00

Okay so I know I ranted on the whole "How-the-fuck-did-fucking-CRASH-win-Best-Picture" thing already. But now I've seen GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK and the shock/horror is all coming back, it's all coming back to me now... Brilliant fucking movie. Probably the best film I saw all year. How is it possible that with this and BROKEBACK, something like CRASH could win Best Picture?!?!? bloody hell.

right. back to CRACKER for now, but just you wait until tonight after I've seen A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE... crash. shit...

sidenote: Anybody here watch PRISON BREAK? Is it any good? Wentworth Miller, so good in THE HUMAN STAIN. (and so very hot) Just wonderin'.

-rick
title quote: Shakespeare as quoted in GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK
dvd player: CRACKER 2.3: Men Should Weep
bookbag: The Birth of Venus/Sarah Dunant
celebrity sightings: 0- although Macauley Culkin was in the store Monday night for a reading of his (incredibly stupid from what I've read) book, but I only saw him on the video monitors, so I'm not counting that as a real sighting.
YTD Sightings-7
listening to/playlist du jour:
John Cameron Mitchell/In Your Arms Tonight, HEDWIG & THE ANGRY INCH
R.E.M./Endgame, OUT OF TIME
Louis Armstrong/Willow Weep for Me, THE COMPLETE ELLA FITZGERALD & LOUIS ARMSTRONG ON VERVE
The Dandy Warhols/Bohemian Like You, SIX FEET UNDER
Bettie Serveert/Leg, PALOMINE
k.d. lang/Tears of Love's Recall, INGÉNUE

Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit now has a body count.

2006-03-16T23:59:00.000-05:00

People SUCK. Dude, my customers today were pretty awful. And then... there was the guy who asked which button to press in the elevator to go down. Oh and then when someone from another store called to put something on hold for a customer named Barnes.... and felt he needed to spell "Barnes" for me. oh oh oh and the guy who asked me for the dictionary that was the easiest to use. Is everyone retarded??
ah well. off for the next two days, but that's awesome, I can finish watching my ACTION dvd AND watch the really horrible looking British slasher flick I rented because it has hot James McEvoy in it. Plus, Saturday Korner Pizza Night (no Jackie Chan this week, John Woo instead- HARD BOILED)... it's going to be a good weekend, dammit.

rick

4 months from home...
title quote: HEATHERS. again. hmmm
dvd player: Action: The Complete Series
bookbag: Sarah Dunant/The Birth of Venus
celebrity sightings: 0- yesterday I thought I might have seen Eddie Kay Thomas aka Fat Pat of WONDERFALLS fame.
YTD Sightings-7
playlist du jour:
Miles Davis/Flamenco Sketches, KIND OF BLUE
Indigo Girls/Down by the River, 1200 CURFEWS
Fiona Apple/Love Ridden, WHEN THE PAWN...
B-52's/Quiche Lorraine, TIME CAPSULE
Björk/Cover Me, POST
Lemonheads/It's About Time, COME ON FEEL THE LEMONHEADS
Whiskeytown/Mirror, Mirror, PNEUMONIA
Ben Folds Five/Fair, WHATEVER & EVER AMEN
Sinéad O'Connor/Vampire, THROW DOWN YOUR ARMS
Bic Runga/Sway (acoustic)
Rebekah/Sin So Well, REMEMBER TO BREATHE
Deborah Harry & Iggy Pop/Well Did You Evah!, RED HOT + BLUE
Holly Palmer/Five Little Birds, HOLLY PALMER
Sinéad O'Connor/Guide Me God, COLLABORATIONS
Ash/Shining Light, FREE ALL ANGELS
Kristen Hersh & Michael Stipe, Your Ghost, HIPS AND MAKERS
Gorillaz/Clint Eastwood, GORILLAZ
Ash/Evil Eye, MELTDOWN
Aimee Mann/River, CHRISTMAS 2005 EP
Juliana Hatfield/Make it Home, MY SO-CALLED LIFE
Jason Mraz/Absolutely Zero, WAITING FOR MY ROCKET TO COME
Concrete Blonde/Your Haunted Head, LIVE IN BRAZIL
Talking Heads/Stay Hungry, MORE SONGS ABOUT BUILDINGS

You're not my girlfriend! You're my girl... enemy!!

2006-03-14T23:13:00.000-05:00

crappy day. seriously depressed about missing home. so much so that this morning i had a little anxiety attack or something- you know how you can cry so hard that you lose your breath and can't catch it back? i left for work about a half an hour later than i should have... luckily work went by faster than expected, so that was good. home, laundry, pizza. *sigh* but i want to go home. like HOME home. Okay enough of this, here's something really retarded from Myspace:

Put your music player on random, and ask these following questions, press next when you've finished each question, and fill it out.

How does the world see me?:
immature- björk (okay that's probably very accurate.)

Will I have a happy life?:
Has anyone ever written anything for you?- Stevie Nicks
("the rain comes down/there's no pain & there's no doubt/and it was easy to say/i believed in you/every day...")

Do people secretly lust after me?:
Dance only with me- Blossom Dearie

How can I make Myself happy?
Dedicated to the one I love- Mamas & the Papas ("each night before you go to bed my baby/whisper a little prayer for me my baby/and tell all the stars above/this is dedicated to the one i love")

What should I do with my life?:
I guess that's why they call it the blues- Elton John ("don't wish it away/don't look at it like it's forever/between you and me/i can honestly say/that things can only get better")

Will I ever have children?:
Rimshot- Erykah Badu (boom clack boom clack boom clack...)

What is some good advice for me?
Best imitation of myself- Ben Folds ("the 'problem with you speech' you gave me was fine/i like the theories about my 'little stage'/i swore i was listening/but i started drifting around the part about me acting my age")

How will I be remembered?:
Girl from the gutter- Kina ("i hope your hell is filled with magazines/and on every page you see a big picture of me/and under every picture a caption should read/not bad for a girl from the gutter like me")

What is my signature dancing song?:
See thru me- Soul Miner's Daughter (close... it's "Bodies" by Soul Miner's Daughter)

What do I think my current theme song is?:
All American girl- Melissa Etheridge (um... ok.)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
Everybody's gotta learn sometime- Beck (BOOM right on target)

What song will play at my funeral?:
Uptown girl- Billy Joel (i'm actually going to ask that this be played at my funeral now, along with "The Pill" by Loretta Lynn and "Thriller.")

What type of men/women do you like?:
Feed the tree- Belly ("so take your hat off, boy when you're talking to me/and be there when i feed the tree")

What is my day going to be like?:
In my arms- Erasure ("we'll be forever calm" although it would've been cool if it had been the next song that played- Stupidly happy by XTC...)

listening to: Paul Westerberg/Dyslexic Heart from SINGLES soundtrack
bookbag: The Birth of Venus/Sarah Dunant
dvd player: ACTION: The Complete Series
title quote: Jason Segel as Eric in UNDECLARED
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-7

doesn't want to go to work today/doesn't feel it's importance/wants to live life like a swinging door/let everything out, everything in & more

2006-03-13T01:12:00.000-05:00

every day's downhill from here...

1. Dreams:
a) I dreamt that it was moving day, we (my dad & I) had packed up the truck completely and I said, "Okay, that's it. Let's go." We left. Two days later I realize that I forgot to say goodbye to anyone. When I call the flat, only X will speak to me. Lily, J. & the Red Haired Goddess do not take my calls.
b) I'm back in Miami. I go to the old store, to the café. The server notices my wedding band. I tell her I got married, but that we didn't have a ceremony- "I married her in an office." ...there was a bit more to the dream, but it was sorta fucked up, so we won't get into it. it involved firearms and a lost car, though.

2. Weight Issues:
So last week, I felt like the pants I wear to work were sort of feeling tighter, like maybe I've been putting some of the weight back on. Of course when I tried on some of my old jeans and they promptly fell down to my knees, I realized that this is not true. When I'm going to sleep at night and feel that my ribs and hip bones are much more prominent than they ever were before, I should realize that it's not true... but I think once you've felt like a fat pig, you probably won't get used to NOT feeling that way for a while. Anyway, the point- Tonight at work I kept feeling like the pants were falling down. I felt like I was wearing those old jeans, constantly pulling my pants up. I was kind of freaking out- thinking that last week they felt tight and now they're falling off, there's something seriously wrong with me, some cancer eating me from the inside out and oh my god this isn't healthy at all!! etc etc etc. Until around 9:30 when I was in the elevator and pulled them up a bit and noticed.... that they were unbuttoned the whole time. Yes, I'm a complete idiot.

3. Home:
home home home. five months. fuck. i'm depressed.

4. Sophie B.:
oh yeah, i signed on to Myspace (I wish I knew how to quit you... Myspace.) and had a friend request from Sophie B. Hawkins, who I really respect & admire. I think she's a really fearless artist & after seeing THE CREAM WILL RISE I'm amazed at her courage & strength as a human being. I mean, her last album was disappointing, but I really respect that she's got a singular point of view and at times her work is fucking brilliant... So it was really, really cool to get the request. But um. So did X+J, so I feel less special.

5. Pictures & Frames
new issue's up w/my review for RENT and MAPPING THE EDGE; http://www.picturesandframesmagazine.com/

-rick
listening to: Neko Case/Fox Confessor Brings the Flood
bookbag: Sarah Dunant/Transgressions (it's finally hooked me, but it's truly one of the darkest things i've read)
dvd player: Undeclared
title quote: "Every Day Down" by Joan Jones from the FELICITY soundtrack
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-7

tea baggin' at the fudge palace

2006-03-11T22:20:00.000-05:00

the person who buys this t-shirt for me? BFF.

nice couple of days off- watched a bunch of movies, Howl's Moving Castle, Jarhead, and the highlight- MYSTERIOUS SKIN. SO good.

I'm jumping on Lily's bandwagon to say that Joseph Gordon-Levitt was fucking amazing. I also have to say that I think Gyllenhaal was screwed on the whole Jarhead thing- he was great in it. And I keep calling Jarhead "Jawbreaker" when they are two very very VERY different movies! I'm crazy!!
of course we had our Saturday night Korner Pizza/Jackie Chan movie night.... which I will miss dearly when I go back home. But I have to say? Every day more and more I'm dying to be back at home with my family. Of course that's closely followed by being sad at how much I'll miss the good things about NY. Like right now, I've got the latest Harry Potter movie on and it's reminding me that I saw it on my birthday with J. and the Red Haired Goddess. And that makes me think about how much I'm going to miss them, which is a whole fucking lot. *sigh* couldn't I just mash-up these two lives of mine to create the one perfect one??

'kay I'm off.
rick
listening to: Neko Case/Fox Confessor Brings the Flood
bookbag: Sarah Dunant/Transgressions
dvd player: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
title quote: PECKER
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-7

This isn't called America's Next Top Best Friend!

2006-03-09T02:12:00.000-05:00

yet still another random quote that i have fallen in love with-
"i'm wrapped in the depths of these deeds that have made me/i can't breathe a sound from my head though i've tried/i can't seem to find my way up from the basement/a demon holds my place on earth 'til i die"-Neko Case, "Furnace Room Lullaby" from the album of the same name. I'm loving Neko, who I've been listening to quite a lot in anticipation of her new album... which is apparently a week away from my mailbox, dammit.

a so/so day followed by a perfect night of tacos/American Idol/America's Next Top Model/Project Runway (Okay, I have loved Chloe from the start, expected Daniel to win... but SERIOUSLY? Santino's collection was the fucking coolest!!) now i'm up (too late, with my ipod playing some Neko and hoping that tomorrow's shift will speed by so i can come home, watch some movies and be quiet & peaceful for the weekend.

finished MAPPING THE EDGE yesterday- I fully recommend it to everyone... a really fantastic book. Started another Sarah Dunant novel today, TRANSGRESSIONS, which is where the quotes in my earlier post came from. I know that seemed random, but I was doing it quickly so that I could have Tacos! (Oh such tacos shall i give!) The quotes both really spoke to me. Obviously the quote about not being very social and preferring the written word is close to home. So that's what that was all about (matty!). But seriously kids- MAPPING THE EDGE. check it out.

okay. no more Neko, no more books... time to sleep.
g'night
-rick
listening to: Neko Case playlist (including The Virginian/Furnace Room Lullaby/Blacklisted/The Tigers Have Spoken)
bookbag: TRANSGRESSIONS/Sarah Dunant
dvd player: Undeclared
title quote: Evil Jade on America's Next Top Model
celebrity sightings: 0 (although rumor was that Colin Farrell was in the store yesterday. What's the etiquette for meeting someone after you've seen stills of their sex tape online?)
YTD Sightings-7
what i wish i would have said:

Too much social life after too little. She wasn't up for it. Give me written words any day, she thought. Nobody answers you back.

2006-03-08T20:15:00.000-05:00

"How much could you hate someone for ending something that was already ended, something that you yourself had helped to destroy?"

-Sarah Dunant, TRANSGRESSIONS

It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake up cup full of liquid drainer.

2006-03-07T01:42:00.000-05:00

ohhhh my god it's an addiction.

1. What is your middle name? Brian

2. What size is your bed? Twin size.

3.What are you listening to right now? nothing, I'm watching Undeclared.

4. What are the last 2 digits in your house phone number? 59

5. What was the last thing you ate? A Stouffer's French Bread Pizza. Surprisingly good.

6. Last person you hugged? um. oh my god i don't even remember. I think it was J.

7. How is the weather right now? It's cool out, getting a bit nicer.

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Mom & Dave, RE: 24

9. The first thing you notice about the Opposite sex? Eyes... Arms.

10. are you irish? Probably way back at some point.

11. Do you want children? to shut the fuck up and leave me alone.

12. Do you drink? not a lot. occassionally.

13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night? no. that sounds like real fun.

14. Hair color? brownish.

15. Eye color? grey blue (and cross eyed, yeah)

17. Favorite holiday? Christmas despite working in retail.

18. Favorite season? Autumn

19. Ever cried for no reason? yes, i'm fucking crazy don't you all know that by now?

20. Last movie you watched? Jackie Chan's First Strike (i'm totally trying to block out Crash)

21. How many mirrors are in your room? absolutely none

22. Do you know any fall out boy songs other than "sugar we're goin down & dance dance? i don't even know that one.

24. Do you enjoy the sensational taste of starbucks? i am a recent convert to the Starbucks hot chocolate. grande. with whipped cream.

25. Does the word "horcrux' mean i don't know? no. i think it's a weird role playing magic thing.

26. Do you have any friends of the gay preference? The Gay Preference? WHO THE FUCK WROTE THIS? The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences? Yes, but my preference would be the lesbian friends. They're way less fucked up and dramatic. and usually have better taste in music.

27. Do you think jesus is great? Jesus is just alright with me.

29. What books are you reading? Mapping the Edge by Sarah Dunant, to be followed very soon by her novel Transgressions. Also on tap is the graphic novel, The Fountain, by Darren Aronofsky & Kent Williams.

30. Piercings? no thanks, i'm good.

31. Top 5 favorite movies: It's constantly changing- 1. My Man Godfrey 2. Eve's Bayou 3. Clue 4. Bringing Up Baby 5. Bad Education

32. Favorite college football team? I don't... know.

33. What were you doing before filling this out? watching "24" One Name. Five Syllables. C. Thomas Howell. Fuck YEAH!

34. Any pets? alas, no. i can't handle the responsibility.

35. Do u like anyone presently? I don't like anyone presently. I pretty much hate 99% of the Earth's population presently.

36. Favorite flower? Tulips

37. Have you ever been caught doing something u shouldn't have? Yes, but thankfully not today when myself and someone else skipped out during our shift to buy chocolate at the deli down the street. Ah, the taste of rebellion!! What will we do next?!?

38. Have you ever loved someone? maybe. i don't know if this is something i'm capable of, quite frankly.

39. Who would you like to see right now? my family. tonight at work i was missing them so much i considered just saying fuck it and buying a ticket to fly home.

40. Are you still friends with your exs? i tend to cut people out of my life in a very complete, absolute way. sometimes it takes a while, it's probably not healthy but... fuck it.

41. Have you ever fired a gun? no.

42. Do you like to travel by plane? HELL no.

43. Right or left-handed? right

44. What are your regrets? not holding things closer to my chest

45. How many pillows do you sleep with? two

46. Are you missing someone? didn't i already answer that one? my family. lisa, too.

47. Do you have a tattoo? nope

48. Do you still watch cartoons on saturday morning? do they even show cartoons on saturday mornings? no...

49. Are you hiding something from someone? a few things. see question 44.

50. Do you play an instrument? i can (maybe) play some basic piano.

51. what instrument would you like to play? would love to really be able to play the piano, or guitar. or cello.

1. Initials: RBS

2. Name someone that has the same birthday as you: Jennifer Connelly. Frank Sinatra. oh, and Psychic Friend Dionne Warwick

3. For or against same sex marriage: totally for it. we should be as miserable as the straights are.

4. Do you believe in God: Yes, but I don't always understand him

5. How many U.S states have you been to: I think 8 or 9.

6. How many of the U.S states have you lived in: 2, Florida & New York. (although Georgia is what's calling me to it)

7. Ever lived outside of the US? no.

8. Name something you like physically about yourself: my eyebrows get complimented. i'll go with those as i really can't think of anything else

9. Something non-physical you like about yourself: i think my patience is a big virtue

10. What is your dads name: Lew

11. Why are you still up?: because i stayed in bed until 12:30 today and worked from 2-10.

12. Who made you angry today: this CRAZY customer and her son.

13. Favorite type of Food: pizza

14. Do you download music: yeah, once in a while.

15. What illegal things have you done: nothing. i'm a good lad.

16. Where would you want to go on a first date? no thanks.

17. Would you date the person who posted this before you? he's pretty cute... but no.

18. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally: no, what is this Love Actually?

19. Do you like Bush: The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own.

20. Have you ever bungee jumped: no.

21. Have you ever white-water rafted: yeah, that was fucking awesome

22. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? ummm yes. i took him up on it, too.

23. Have you met a real redneck: i was related to one for 10 years.

24. What is your current fav song? The Caesars- "It's not the fall that hurts"

25. Do you wear contacts? No, it really freaks me out to mess about with my eyes

26. Where was the last place you went besides your house? Work.

27. What are you afraid of?: Performance Artists. Heights. Terrorists. President Bush.

28. What turns you on? a smart sense of humor.

29. Fave TV show(s)?: Spaced. Wonderfalls. Arrested Development. Buffy/Angel. Six Feet Under. Lost. Gilmore Girls. oh yeah... and Project Runway.

30. Do you have an ipod? yes.

31. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? someone told me I look like Peter Krause. Which isn't very accurate.

32. Whats your mom's name: Judy

33. Favorite band of all time (ONLY ONE): Indigo Girls

34. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn: A little butter is okay. Damn, I need to get back to my beloved Pavilion Theatre. What's playing?

35. Have you ever ridden in a limo: nope.

36. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? The closest would be my grandpa... but we weren't all that close.

37. Do you watch MTV? Never.

38. What's something that really bugs you? Ignorance. Unneccessary drama. Impatience. Rudeness. Lack of space.

39. Whats your favorite hobby? Clearly watching films

40. Do you like Michael Jackson? He used to be a really talented person. I like his music up to about 1985. But um... no.

41. Favorite basketball team: I don't care.

42. Favorite cereal: Don't eat cereal. But if you have Lucky Charms I will eat all the marshmallows

43. Do you drive? no. but i will have to soon.

44. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? Maybe 40 hours or so.

45. Last time you went bowling: I have no freaking clue... High School probably.

46. Whats your favorite state to be in? Georgia.

if we lived in a world without tears/how would bruises find the face to lie upon/how would scars find skin to etch themselves into...

2006-03-06T23:35:00.000-05:00

1. Who was your first prom date? I skipped my prom to hang out with my aunt for a weekend. Ok I still wouldn't have gone.

2. Who was your first roommate(s)? X+J, followed soon by Lily

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? Rum & Coke

4. What was your first job? Miami Springs Swimming Pool. I was a teacher's aide/cashier.

5. What was your first car? no car.

6. When did you go to your first funeral? When my Grandpa died about 10 years ago.

7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 31.

8. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Grimsley, I think. I have vaguely fond memories.

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? From Miami to L.A. to visit the grandparents.

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I don't think I ever had to sneak out of my house.

11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? Robbie E. was my first best friend. And no... surprise.

12. Where was your first sleepover? Probably this kid Chris, from my church. He had a pool. One night he ate too much pizza and threw up all over the patio. That was gross.

13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Apparently today it was J. Usually my mom or Lily

14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? Haven't had the "honor" yet- but I was a ring bearer when I was little. And blonder. And tanner. And all around more cute.

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Say "fuck you" and shut off the alarm. Unless I'm opening or off, in which case I promptly go back to sleep.

16. What was the first concert you ever went to? The Go-Go's. (ok ok I went to a Melissa Manchester concert with my mom & her friend when the 3rd person they were going with got sick)

17. First tattoo or piercing? none, thanks.

18. Age of first real kiss? REAL kiss... 17.

19. First crush? Jordan Knight?

20. First REAL love? "pfft!" (that's the same noise i made when i saw Mel Gibson as Braveheart last night during the awards)

listening to: WORLD WITHOUT TEARS/Lucinda Williams
bookbag: Mapping the Edge/Sarah Dunant- almost through, dammit, but i've got another Dunant novel lined up.
dvd player: Undeclared
title quote: "World Without Tears" by Lucinda Williams
celebrity sightings: 0- No, Norana- cute GQ models do not count
YTD Sightings-7
what i wish i would have said: to the customer who i had to babysit for 20 fucking minutes looking for something i knew we didn't have that she insisted we did while she constantly yelled at her fucking son: "dammit woman we don't have the fucking coupon book!!"

i think i just threw up a little in my mouth...

2006-03-06T00:58:00.000-05:00

are you fucking kidding me??? Capote, yeah... Good Night, and Good Luck, sure... Munich, okay... but motherfucking CRASH?!? i swear the only Oscar-worthy part of the film was Thandie Newton. I was disgusted when it won best screenplay, but best fucking picture?? i feel like i'm on crazy pills!!

anyway. deep breaths. at least Weisz won.
favorite passage today:
"I felt very... I don't know the word- soiled for a while afterward. As if I'd bought counterfeit goods, squandered a part of myself on something that wasn't worthwhile. It made me kind of crazy. But I got over it. Eventually." -Sarah Dunant, MAPPING THE EDGE

listening to: Fiona Apple/EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE
bookbag: Sarah Dunant/MAPPING THE EDGE
dvd player: UNDECLARED: The Complete Series
title quote: WONDERFALLS. or DODGEBALL. Let's go with WONDERFALLS, it's my favorite.
celebrity sightings: 1- Keri "Felicity" Russell was on the up escalator this afternoon. A coworker told a really mean story about thinking she was the Noxeema girl. I have to hide my love for FELICITY to get by here. It's very Brendan Fraser in SCHOOL TIES. only... not.
YTD Sightings-7
what i wish i would have said: "Hey, it was a really well-written show, once you got past the whole She-followed-a-boy-to-college thing."

I think you owe me for deceiving me so exquisitely.

2006-03-05T00:06:00.000-05:00

Wow. So, I just saw CRASH. Completely expecting to be blown away by it, I found myself instead wondering how come it's receiving so much acclaim. I found it pretty manipulative and heavy handed. It's completely devoid of subtlety... so basically I'm wondering one thing: What. The. Fuck?? Granted, there were some wonderful performances, Thandie Newton, Michael Peña, Don Cheadle, Terrence Howard... although Matt Dillon was alright, I don't get why he's the one getting all the acclaim. If the film had been receiving more nods for performances it would make a lot more sense to me, but as it stands, I am completely flabbergasted as to why it's getting all these awards. As much as I think BROKEBACK is overrated, I really think that it was a great film... not so much with this one. I can't believe I bumped CRIMES & MISDEMEANORS for this...

rick
listening to: Ash/Free All Angels
bookbag: Mapping the Edge/Sarah Dunant
dvd player: UNDECLARED
title quote: Clive Owen in CLOSER. which IS a fucking great movie.
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-6

there will always be women in rubber flirting with me!!

2006-03-04T10:49:00.000-05:00

Turned ON, OFF or doesn't matter when a guy:

Is taller than you: ON. (see M. Levine)

wears braces: Off

Dresses preppy: Off

Dresses Ghetto: Soooo very off.

Has green eyes: Doesn't matter.

Has blue eyes: Doesn't matter.

Has hazel eyes: Doesn't matter- what no brown option? that would be "On"

Smokes pot: Off

Wears glasses: Doesn't matter.

Has a tan: Doesn't matter

Plays sports: On for some reason

Smiles a lot: Doesn't matter

Calls you just to say hi: On

Lets you know he was thinking about you: On

Compliments you: LOL my first instinct is of course, OFF as we all know i can't take a compliment

Wears jewelry: ooh, Off

Smiles when you come in the room: On

Has brown hair: Doesn't Matter

Has Black hair: On

Has blonde hair: Doesn't matter

Has red hair: Doesn't matter

Makeup: All the way off.

Can make you laugh at any given moment: On

Loyal: On

Laid back: On

Plays guitar: On

Plays drums: More On. Bass? SO The Fuck ON

Sings: On... maybe. That's weird- I had a dream where I was getting involved with this guy (who was actually SO not my type) who had a cd. I didn't love it. I was telling J. that I was worried that my not liking his music would be the ruin of it all. hmm.

He's Buff: Doesn't matter

He can draw: On

Doesn't eat meat: Off. I'd be too uncomfortable chowing down on a burger with someone who didn't eat meat sitting across from me.

Laughs a lot: On. I guess. Unless we're talking The Joker or something

Looks you up and down when he sees you: um. Off

Has piercings: doesn't matter

Smokes cigs: Off. although the two guys that i've sort of seen since i moved up here? both smokers. so there ya go.

-rick
listening to: Ash/Free All Angels
bookbag: Mapping the Edge/Sarah Dunant (so. freaking. good.)
dvd player: A Love Song for Bobby Long
title quote: Maureen in "Rent"
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-6

what came first, the music or the misery?

2006-03-03T09:58:00.000-05:00

well, duh...

Which John Cusack Are You?

listening to: nothin'
bookbag: Mapping the Edge/Sarah Dunant
dvd player: Where The Truth Lies
title quote: from Nick Hornby's novel, HIGH FIDELITY
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-6

please don't let me be misunderstood, pt. II

2006-03-02T09:49:00.000-05:00

so for the sake of preventing misinterpretation, regarding the "Bitch, please" post-
X updated his Myspace page this week, which is where I spotted the fact that at some point between the last time I visited Gill's page and then, former whatever E. had changed his name to something from this very blog- as did his boyfriend (fuckwit yes, extraordinaire, no) who's trumpeting that he's "making cross eyed boys run home to mommy." so i did kinda sink to their level, but i felt pretty good about that. but the point is this has NOTHING to do with former online crush guy, who is in reality a really sweet human being, ok? just a couple of evil faggots who you know... hate me, but apparently have nothing better to do than blogstalk me. seriously boys, go jerk off to Brokeback Mountain with everybody else so i can go back to pretending you don't exist.

if you can't help it/leave it alone/leave it alone/yeah, just forget it

2006-03-02T00:26:00.000-05:00

how old do you feel? perpetually 17

where were you on september 11th, 2001? i was at home, watching dvds in the morning. stayed at home after.

what do you believe is the meaning of life? god only knows... i think it's pretty meaningless.

why is the sky blue? actually today it was grey.

what is your favorite thing to cook? not much. i have the whole 'richard's pasta surprise' thing down, though.

you have only a dollar to your name...what do you buy? a dr. pepper

what would your last meal be? southern fried chicken from the cracker barrel- mmmm good. with gravy. and mashed potatoes.

what is the youngest age you have memories of? maybe 6 or 7

what is your favorite thing in the world? my ipod

what is your most missed memory? actually enjoying the holidays, being genuinely excited about christmastime

have you ever punched someone on purpose? not very hard

do you know what color chartreuse is close to? is it like purple? pink? i totally lose my gay card, don't i?

why do we have daylight savings time? damn farmers.

what living person would you want to meet? probably kate winslet or bic runga

what dead person? carole lombard

where in the world would you live if you could? somewhere secluded...

who is your favorite rapper? um... i guess it would have to be missy elliott. even though i haven't listened to her since her first album. not so much into the rap other than Missy & the Roots. oh, and Tribe Called Quest

who has had the most influence on you (good or bad)? Entertainment Weekly. ;)

what is your favorite dessert? cookies & cream ice cream. or those brownies J makes with the oreos in the frosting

what age is your favorite so far in your life? 19-20 didn't suck.

can you make cookies from scratch? no, but J can. which is why she's the flatmate i'm saving first in case of fire.

was the chicken first or the egg? your mom.

hershey or nestle? hershey all the way.

night out or night in? night in, everyone knew that.

single forever with a great family or no family and your soulmate? ah, that's obvious. single forever with a great family.

what is your favorite scented candle? vanilla, but not crazy about the scented candles.

do you ever wear a wife beater? nope.

if you could live in a store which one would it be? Target, like in Career Opportunities.

can you eat a dozen donuts in one sitting? maybe 4 or 5

what is your favorite curse word? fuck. you can use it in so many ways.

have you ever read/tried to read the bible? i've read parts of it, back in the sunday school days.

who do you dislike most in the world? Fred Phelps and all the crazy right wingers. Paris Hilton and her ilk. Oh, there are a lot of peope. I'm nothing if not a hater.

what is your ideal date? Me and Netflix.

what is your favorite shape? a circle, i guess.

can you eat just one chip? no, that's the beauty of chips- you can't eat just one

where is the farthest you've ever been from home? where i am, right now. and i'm feeling every mile.

what is your desktop background? the picture of the kitten on my bookshelf. usually it's a picture i took of turtle pond the last time i went to The Park. (yeah, The Park)

which movie do you wish was your life? besides the one i wrote? ummm Bringing Up Baby

has someone ever intentionally put food on you? i don't know. that's a weird question.

what color is your favorite? brown. earth colors are good for me

what color do you feel represents you? that's a little new agey.

do you believe in God? yep. although there's a lot i don't understand...

have you ever broken a bone? not yet.

have you ever shut someone's fingers in a door? oh SHIT. actually, yeah I have... my brother's. um. we won't talk about that.

what is your ideal ice cream creation? Mint chocolate chip cookies & cream.

what is your favorite thing to do? hang out, watch movies, read.

what is your favorite junk food? hot & spicy cheezits.

what is the longest you've gone without talking to anyone? i used to spend weekends at home by myself a lot when i was in my early 20s- i would go 24 hours or more without talking to anyone (except usually the person who answers the phone at Domino's) and you know... i'm down with seclusion.

what is your favorite board game? Scene It. or Trivial Pursuit- only NOT the book lover's edition, which is hard as fuck. and i play it with people who worked in bookstores.

your favorite book? The Time Traveler's Wife; The Secret History; Good Omens.

what movie could you watch over and over again? these are by no means my favorites, just movies that I love that I have literally played over & over again- Wet Hot American Summer; The Sweetest Thing; Clue

do you know how to change a tire? nope.

have you ever eaten paste? i seem to think that yes i did.

what toy have you always wanted and never gotten? I wanted the Endor playset from Return of the Jedi. And I so wanted a Batgirl action figure, but to no avail. :(

what item could you not go without during the day? either a book or my ipod

do you consider yourself a smart person? not especially

who was your first crush? i covered this already, it's too humiliating to bring up again.

do you close your eyes when you listen to music? sometimes i do, it depends on the song

how old were you when life was the hardest? life is pretty hard right now, but 12-15 sucked

do you eat the burnt chips? sure, why not.

do you still have your baby blanket? it would be a bit small. my mom probably has it.

is there anything you HAVE to do everyday? call home, nothing is more comforting.

do you curse in front of family? we all curse in front of each other. it's gotten a bit ridiculous, we're like a family of sailors.

what is your favorite tv show ever? Spaced, obviously. Although Arrested Development; Six Feet Under & Wonderfalls are all catching up. And then there's Buffy...

if you had to get back with an ex, woudl you do it? ex? as if

when was the last time you felt truly loved by someone? when i left FL for NY and started wondering what i was doing to my family after saying goodbye.

what character trait would you change about yourself? it doesn't matter, i'd never be happy with myself.

3 wishes... unity, understanding, wellness

have you ever slapped yourself in the face? actually yeah- whenever i hear a particular Nellie McKay song.

have you been in a car accident? yeah, why do you think i'm so paranoid about driving?

favorite line from a song? "somewhere it all got crazy/and now it's like a dream/but i knew that i blew it from the start/i was too freaked out to deal with it all/too fucked up to care/i stood right there and watched it fall apart/now lsd & ecstasy don't help me/and my dance with mr. brownstone got too rough/will you wake me without warning/some jingle jangle morning/we'll fly away to heaven/on a star..." -Mary Lou Lord, "Some Jingle Jangle Morning"

what do you do when the power goes out? i bitch and then read a book. unless it's night, then it's just the bitching

who do people say you look like? someone once told me i looked like a young Charles Grodin. someone else (who was clearly on crack) said Peter Krause, which was like the best compliment I ever had.

favorite holiday? christmas

if you could be doing anything at all right now, what would it be? counting my millions in my cabin outside of Seattle.

if you could know how, when and where you will die, would you want to know? no- i hate the anticipation of a fucking DENTIST appointment, the anticipation of my death would pretty much drive me insane.

-rick
title quote: "Coast to Coast" by Elliot Smith- From a basement on the hill.

when i come home in the morning banging on the screen/you can bet your bottom dollar there's gonna be one hell of a fight

2006-03-01T19:32:00.000-05:00

[Relationship Status] Me+My DVD Player 4EVER!!
[Shoe size] um. 11?
[Siblings] 1 brother. We call him Brohan!!
[Pets] No, but we had an adorable kitten on loan last month.

FAVORITES
[Color] chocolatey brown
[Number] 12 i guess...
[Animal] eh, i do love cats. dogs are cute too
[Book] The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. The Secret History by Donna Tartt. Good Omens by Gaiman/Pratchett
[Flower] tulip?

DO YOU
[Twirl your hair?] no, one of the few things i DON'T have in common with 12 year old girls
[Have tattoos?] nah, i don't want anything permanent on my body.
[Cheat on tests?] i may have. once.
[Like roller coasters?] hell YEAH
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] Yeah, but I don't know where. Somewhere rural next time.
[Like cleaning?] Who the fuck LIKES cleaning?? oh wait... um. nevermind.
[Write in cursive or print?] i usually print.
[Know how to drive?] yeah, but i fucking hate it.
[Own a cell phone?] yup, unbelievably.
[Ever get off the internet?] i do once in a while. i have to sleep you know.

HAVE YOU EVER
[Been in love at first sight?] nope.
[considered a life of crime?] sure.
[Considered being a hooker?] noooooooo
[Been in love?] um. i don't even know at this point.
[Made out with JUST a friend?] nope
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] oh yeah.

CURRENT..
[Current clothing] my work clothes- the chocolatey pants, sweater..
[Current hair] really fucking short
[Current CD in stereo] Björk- Vespertine
[Last movie you saw] Pride & Prejudice at the theatre. Knightley bites my ass. Oh, Supercop on dvd- Jackie Chan rocks!

RANDOM THINGS...
[Last thing you ate] Peanut Butter sandwich at lunch.
[Read the newspaper?] not so much.
[Hate yourself] me and everyone else
[Collect anything?] too much.
[Like your handwriting?] it's alright when i try.

LOVE..
[First crush] probably Christopher Atkins i don't fucking know
[You believe in love at first sight?] nope
[You believe in "the one?"] hell no
[Are you a tease?] not so much
[Too shy to make the first move?] usually

ARE YOU A...
[Daydreamer] uh huh
[Sarcastic] yeah
[Introvert] Yes
[Extrovert] not really

WOULD YOU RATHER...
[Pierce your nose or lip?] nose
[Be serious or funny?] make 'em laugh. to hide the pain, obviously

ARE YOU...
[Simple or complicated?] i think i'm pretty simple. just fucked up

WHAT DO YOU WANT...
[Where do you want to live] Someplace secluded
[how many kids do you want] no.
[What kind of job do you want] the one where you get to stay home all day and watch dvds
[do you want to get married] there are so many things that point me towards "no" with this one
[Nervous Habits] a few. i can't think of anything now
[Are you double jointed] no
[Can you roll your tongue] yep
[Can you raise your eyebrow(s)] yeah
[Can you cross your eyes] the problem is UNCROSSING them. heh
[Do you make your bed daily] no

CLOTHES, ETC...
[Which shoe goes on first] my right?
[Ever thrown one at someone] yes
[How Much money do you carry in your walleT] 20 bucks

IN THE LAST MONTH HAVE YOU...
[Bought something] a few things
[Gotten sick] possibly getting sick now
[Sang] a little
[Felt stupid] of course
[Missed someone] miss my family 24/7
[Gotten drunk] nope
[Gotten high] nope
[Danced crazy] not so much
[Gotten your hair cut] yes
[Watched cartoons] Drawn Together, mother fuckers!!

LAST PERSON THAT...
[Slept in your bed] me
[Saw you cry] people have heard me cry on the phone... don't remember who the last to see me cry was
[Made you cry] myself
[Saw a movie with you] J! either Match Point or Capote
[Said 'I love you' to you] Lily i bet

HAVE YOU EVER...
[Been to California] yeah when i was in like 7th grade
[Been to Canada] no but i would love to
[Been to Europe] nope, make my ocean liner reservations now, please

listening to: x+j being crazy
bookbag: Mapping the Edge by Sarah Dunant
dvd player: Walk the Line
title quote: "If I'm Gonna Sink (I Might as Well Go to the Bottom)" as performed by Neko Case
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-6
what i wish i would have said: oh i think i said what i wanted to say.

"Making Cross Eyed Boys Run Home To Mommy"

2006-03-01T03:38:00.000-05:00

Bitch, please. The fact that I'm poor & miss my family is what's sending me home. Your presence? Just one more thing to add to the CONS list next to the rats and the smell of piss on the subway.

xxoo
the cross eyed boy

every second of the night/i live another life

2006-02-27T12:02:00.000-05:00

strange dreams last night/this morning. first off, i stayed in bed until... okay i'm still in bed. and have to leave for work in an hour. and i wonder why it seems like i never have time to do anything but work...

dream #1. I go to the movies, sit down in the theatre (i think it's the one on 19th & Broadway, where I saw "Proof" with J.) & notice that E. & Fuckwit are sitting a few rows ahead of me. I'm shocked but stay and watch the movie (a really bad mob movie). Halfway through, E. turns around and sees me there, grabs Fuckwit and drags him out. Later, I get home (in the dream i think we live in a trailer. i think it's the one from Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet...) and Lily is leaving for work. She comes back minutes later, cellphone in hand, asking me what happened. I'm like, "Dude, I went to the movies. They were there. I didn't do anything. Besides, it's my theatre!!" end dream one.

dream #2. Lily is for some reason working with me at BN. Only it's even BIGGER than my actual BN, some airport hanger kind of place. She's working in music and hates the exact person I would expect her to hate. But when we close the store and leave, it's only to this giant empty hanger where there is a bed- one bed- in the center. Lily sleeps here when she doesn't want to ride back to Brooklyn. This is where she's staying tonight because she has to go to a movie really early the next morning. So I'm hanging out, taking clothes from her closet and putting them in my bag (is dream me a crossdresser?) when suddenly, an airplane crashes through the front of the hanger, heading straight for us. I grab Lily and drag her all the way to the edge and to safety, saving her life. end dream two.

Anyone wanna give interpretations a go?

btw- totally thought that i saw the king of the internet/e-beast at my store yesterday. PLUS he said he was from Michigan. i should have said something like... "tony?"

what i feel has come & gone before/no need to talk it out/we know what it's all about/hanging around/nothing to do but frown/rainy days & mondays...

2006-02-27T00:59:00.000-05:00

I *heart* Matty G. Seriously, he just knows exactly what to say when I'm feeling my worst and I just wanted to get that out there.

Just for the record, CRACKER fucking rocks. I'm watching Series Two as I felt that it was too late & I was too sleepy to watch anything with subtitles like CITY OF GOD, so popped in CRACKER. It's a giant episode where some truly surprising shit goes down and I am once again bowled over by how amazing and daring the show was. I can't WAIT for the new one this year- that is, assuming it will air on BBC America in September when it's supposed to be on in the UK.

CRACKER? Makes me think of Crackity Jones, which is a Pixies song, but also what I dubbed the kitten we were sitting last month (who is actually named Hope, but dude... Hope vs. Crackity Jones? You be the judge) The lovely j sent me some pictures she took while we were kittensitting & this is my absolute favorite.

listening to: the last thing i listened to was The Killers, "Mr. Brightside" on my ipod
bookbag: Thank You For Smoking. Which is quite good, although I think I liked the movie better. Aaron Eckhart? yummm
dvd player: CRACKER: Series Two
title quote: "Rainy Days & Mondays" as performed by Cracker (see, it's not totally random) on IF I WERE A CARPENTER
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-6
what i wish i would have said: "sure, i'll take your Sunday shift. if you work for me on Monday."

we're drinking my friend/to the end/of a brief episode

2006-02-26T10:54:00.000-05:00

so where to start?

*online crush gone awry. as usual, it's all on me. me deciding it's foolish to start something up so soon before leaving, freaking out about getting involved with someone when i wasn't sure that i wanted to, and finally realizing that i am so much happier when i'm on my own and not complicating matters with stuff like, plans... and other human beings. even the ones that i like. i feel like an asshole who led him on and considering the recent emails in which he regurgitates things i had written in old emails, he feels the same way. everyone was just so encouraging that i give it a go, even after the first date when my reaction was "he's sweet but i don't see myself dating him." everyone has been telling me that i should get out there, etc. but i'm starting to wonder if it's another one of those things that you're "supposed to do" to be happy. but i think i was happier when i wasn't trying- guy-wise, if it happens, it'll happen, but right now i'm perfectly content. i did get a glimpse of what it must have been like for E. to be around someone who liked you so much and feel uncomfortable about it, though. which brings me to part two-

*i piss off/hurt lily. we're good now, but i had been freaking out about March & the impending presence of E. and the fuckwit and the possibilities of crossing paths with them. which of course i didn't even need to bring up as there's no way that she would put any of us in the awful position of having to see each other. clearly still bitter and unforgiving of the fuckwit's "dishonest, untrustworthy, phony" message and E.'s silent agreement. although let's face it, they're no longer alone in their opinion of me.

*landlady's crazy daughter drama. two wednesdays ago, x+j and i are enjoying Project Runway as we do, when we heard loud voices from downstairs. followed by the squawk of a police radio. we looked out of our front window to find 3 police cars and all our neighbors crowding around. we're all in awe and wonder what could be going on, although we all suspect that it has something to do with the landlady's daughter- V. V tends to sneak out in the middle of the night, keep secret kittens and pretty much is just a mysterious, possibly shady character. The next day we discover that V has run away. She was missing all weekend, until on Monday, our landlady told us that she'd been found. many questionable things were discovered in her room- condoms, phone messages from strange men, and addresses- one for a chinese fast food restaurant and the other for an adult video store. V was staying with her father for a while, theoretically to be away from the bad influences. however, last night at 2 in the morning, our doorbell rang. i went downstairs with x to see what was up- it was V- only V without most of her hair, looking quite different. but rather than knocking on her mom's door and sleeping there, she said she was going to sleep in the hallway. we all wondered what to do until we realized that her dad probably had no idea that she'd left, so called our landlady. some banging of doors and then total silence. crazy.

i guess that catches me up on the blog. i'm stressed, depressed and sick of it all. i wish i was already back in miami, home with my family. they're sort of the only people i feel may be impervious to me. i'm seriously starting to think i'm one of those people who just fucks up anyone they come into contact with- or at the very least makes any situation a giant mess. last night x and i were talking about people who buy greeting cards way early- and i told him that i'd done that once, but by the tiime the person's birthday came around we weren't speaking anymore. i think of all the people who have just slowly disappeared/been exorcised from my life and it's shocking to see how often it happens- Kristi, Diana, Rosie, Alina, Matt, Kim, Edwin & now this- it makes me think i'm a pretty toxic person. maybe it's good that i'm more comfortable/happy being on my own, hanging out at home. it's making the world safe for unsuspecting humans.

-rick
not as depressed as he sounds in this blog entry.
listening to: my ipod. which i am very angry with as it has lost some of the play count information for many songs and totally fucked up my favorite playlist. hmmph. at the moment it's "mil besos" by Patty Griffin from 10,000 Kisses. Which reminds me- check out my myspace page to hear this amazingly beautiful song by Patty- http://www.myspace.com/captbackfire
bookbag: Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley
dvd player: City of God. which i won't have time to watch thanks to the kookiness with my work schedule.
title quote: Frank. "One More For the Road"
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-6
what (matty said that) i wish i'd said: It's like there's some heaving molten crazy just under the surface and right now you can see the glowing red through the cracks

neil says hi by the way

2006-02-23T20:01:00.000-05:00

1. How tall are you barefoot?
5ft10... ish?
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
ah, no.
3. Do you own a gun?
heroin AND a gun? who am i, Kurt Cobain?
4. Rehab?
...or Courtney Love? nope.
5.Have you ever had green poop?
no. and ew. i don't like the brown humor. especially when it's... green.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
i usually think "ewww"
7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
it depends, if you consider Joni Mitchell's "River" to be a Christmas song, then it's that. Otherwise, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Chocolate milk. and lots of it
9. Do you do push-ups?
no. have you seen me?
11. Are you vegan?
no. i *heart* meat.
12. Do you like painkillers?
my experience is quite limited, but if anyone's giving out free samples, now is as good a time as ever
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
i don't lure.
14. Do you own a knife?
no, but i have several boxcutters. "Just in case" as one friend once joked.
15. Do you have A.D.D.?
no, but oddly enough the friend who joked about my multitude of boxcutters did. that combined with his drug tendencies and unsure sexuality made him the best unrequited crush EVER!
16. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings?
life is pain, isn't it?
17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1.i'm hungry 2.i'm glad that x+j have taken over cooking duties after seeing that i'm apparently unable to lift my ass from this couch 3.i wish i was home already.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought:
1. a computer book for X 2. Mental Floss- the trivia game! For a DOLLAR!! 3. a slice of pizza & a dr pepper
19. Name five drinks you regularly drink:
1. chocolate milk 2. coke 3. dr pepper 4. red koolaid 5. water
20. What time did you wake up today?
i didn't really sleep much last night so 5:30 was when i officially gave up trying.
21. Current hair?
cut really really short. and still all natural lookin' as i decided the whole coloring thing makes my hair too dry
22. Current worry?
which of the 8654 worries should i choose...
23. Current hate?
myself as usual. oh, and keira knightley for robbing a deserving actor of an Oscar nomination.
24. Favorite place to be?
central park, maybe. home with my family.
25. Least favorite place to be?
parties. oh god.
26. Where would you like to go?
home home home. um washington state. the smoky mountains.
27. What do you drive?
my family/friends. crazy.
28. What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years?
lines of coke off the ass of an aging movie star.
29. Burn or tan?
used to tan very well. not much for the sun now.
30. Last thing you ate?
slice of pizza. although right now i'm going to get an oreo
31. Would you be a pirate?
i'd suck at piratehood. but i can say "arrr!"
32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
last week i had a drink while we played games.
33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
cyndi lauper. very quietly.
34. What did you fear was going to get you as a kid?
giant fucking spiders!!
35. What's in your pockets right now:
20 bucks X just gave me.
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Daniel Franco: I love you, Heidi.
37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
Superfriends! I still have them at home. They even had the Wondertwins!
39. What are your dreams like?
last night i dreamt there was a war in BN- i was protecting my fabulous new manager from the evil ones.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
i have 1. we have 1 in the living room our landlady gave us & lily has a tiny one in her room. uh. 3
41. Who is your loudest friend?
it can be so many people. i go with Gilliane, who laughs loud and i love it
42. Who is your most silent friend?
me. or dave.
43. nope.
44. Do you wish on falling stars?
no.
45. What are you reading?
Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley. I saw a screening of it last year and fucking loved the movie. X got me the book and i just started it.
46. What is your favorite candy?
Hershey's Chocolate bar.
47. What song do you want played at your wedding?
as if. as if. but it would be something by Ella.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Björk: "Play Dead"
49. if you can kick anyone right now who would it be?
oh i told the red haired goddess & Jennifer K last night that i could kick a puppy. but... i wouldn't
50. Is it your birthday?
it's my birthday, it's my birthday, not for real-real, just for play-play

listening to: tom waits, "the part you throw away" on my ipod
bookbag: Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley
dvd player: Cracker: Series One
title quote: Tori Amos, "Tear in Your Hand" from LITTLE EARTHQUAKES
celebrity sightings: 0. a slow, disappointing week. Although Jeremy Sisto is apparently shooting for his new show down our street tonight.
YTD Sightings-6

if you need me me and neil'll be hanging out with the dream king

2006-02-23T19:56:00.000-05:00

You Are Delirium! You are rather strange, but

occasionally display a flash of incredible

brilliance. Sometimes you forget what you

were going to say. Sometimes you remember

things everyone else has forgotten forever

and always...

Which Sandman Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

you know what? you know what? you know what? ...SHUT THE FUCK UP.

2006-02-21T00:43:00.000-05:00

i had to re-use that title because i really should take that fucking advice. i really should not attempt communcation with other human beings at this point. i need to stick to staying in my room and watching dvds alone until July and NOT TALKING TO ANYONE. i've managed to piss off, disappoint, hurt and be a total dick to a few people i care about this week by being the completely fucked up mess that i am. so to those people i apologize. it's time for some fucking radio silence.

i'm like the spain without the rain/i'm like the mark without the twain/my whole heart is divided/divided

2006-02-18T09:55:00.000-05:00

1. Choose a band / artist: Clearly, Holly Palmer. I've been listening to her a lot lately in anticipation of her new album & she's even recommended some music to me over on myspace- Rickie Lee Jones, kids!

2. Are you male or female: Lickerish Man

3. Describe yourself: Divided

4. How do some people feel about you: Is Anybody Home?

5. How do you feel about yourself: Switched

6. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: Somebody Said What Now?

7. Describe where you want to be: Wide Open Spaces

8. Describe how you live: Safety Belt (although at the moment- Down So Low feels more appropriate)

9. Describe how you love: Down with Love

10. What would you ask for if you had just one wish: Something Else

11. Share a few words of Wisdom: A Rose By Any Other Name...

12. Where Do you Live? Smallroom

13. Now say goodbye: Falling Silent

wow. good thing i did this lame little quizlet as it made me discover that one of my absolute favorite Holly songs, "mannequins" somehow escaped my ipod! how does that happen?!?!?

listening to: Björk/Vespertine
bookbag: Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs
dvd player: Nothing yet, but something from the Cary Grant collection, probably. His Girl Friday?
title quote: "Divided" by Holly Palmer from Tenderhooks (go get it at CDBaby, Baby)
celebrity sightings: 1- Daniel V from PROJECT RUNWAY was in the store last week. (wow i haven't blogged in a while- and this doesn't even count so much as a blog, just a quizlet) Anyway, he was supercute and I helped direct him to some books. And said something lame like, "Good luck, I'm going for you!" ahhhhhh i'm a geek.
YTD Sightings-7
what i wish i would have said: actually i've just gone to wishing i'd keep my big fat mouth shut more often.

the victim was a woman/a woman in her prime/the suspect was a lover/he had no alibi/the weapon was a phone call in the dead of night

2006-02-13T10:11:00.000-05:00

ah, the sad life of a singleton.

i called the Café Carlyle today to make reservations to see Ute Lemper on the 22nd and...
they don't make reservations for a party of one. you just show up and sit at the bar. (the ALONE is implied)
which is making me wonder if it'll be worth it- i'll have to watch the BLOOD & FEATHERS dvd and see if people at the bar can actually SEE Ute or not- considering the $65 cover. I know that I'm justifying this as it being my income tax refund gift to myself and the fact is that seeing Ute was one of the MAJOR benefits I knew was in store for me when I moved up here (She does a gig at the Carlyle every winter), but it seems really extravagant- especially if I'm stuck at the bar all night, uncomfortable and alone. grrr.

title quote: The Case Continues by Ute Lemper from PUNISHING KISS

i must confess there appears to be/way more darkness than light/i wanna fall like a bird/to the bottom of the sea/where no one will find us tonight

2006-02-13T09:40:00.000-05:00

snow can be fun and pretty and well, dangerous looking.

oh and dangerous. last night i slipped and fell twice walking from work to the train station. although according to one new yorker this is because snow loves me and wants to get me closer.

this has been rick sayre reporting from post-blizzard 2006 brooklyn.

title quote: Icicles by Patty Griffin from IMPOSSIBLE DREAM

the snow is snowing, the wind is blowing/but i can weather the storm

2006-02-12T23:30:00.000-05:00

Body:
Supposedly if you've seen over 70, you have no life. Number the ones you've seen. Put your score in header and repost.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) The Mexican
(x) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane

Total: 8

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) Young Frankenstien
(x) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
( ) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Saw
( ) White Noise
(X) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X

Total: 5

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(X) American Pie
(X) American Pie 2
-look, i was hoping for some naked Seann William Scott, okay??
( ) American Wedding
(x) Harry Potter

Total: 9

(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil
( ) Resident Evil 2
(X) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Donnie Darko
(x) Lilo & Stitch

Total: 7

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
( ) 13 Ghosts
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) White Chicks!
(X) Butterfly Effect
(x) Thirteen Going on 30
( ) I, Robot

Total: 6

(X) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(X) Deep Impact
-forced by dave's ex!!
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights

Total: 4

( ) Cinderella Story
(x)The Terminal
( ) the Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumb & Dumberer
(X) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
(x)Halloween
(x) The Ring

Total: 4

(X) The Ring 2
( ) Harold & Kumar Go To Whitecastle
(x) Practical magic
(x) Chicago
(X) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards

Total: 8

(X) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
(X) Bride of Chucky
(X) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(X) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Coach Carter
( ) Bad Boys

Total: 6

( ) Bad Boys 2
(x) Joy Ride
(x) Se7en
(x ) Oceans eleven
(x ) Ocean's Twelve
(x ) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremacy
( ) Lone Star
(X) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II

Total: 7

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
(X) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' daughter.
(x) Frailty

Total: 4

( ) Best Bet
(X) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(X) She's All That
-this is the most embarrassing admission.
(X) Calendar girls
(x) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China

Total: 7

(x) X-Men
(x) X-2
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Others
(x) Freaky Friday
(X) Reign of Fire
(X) Cruel Intentions
( ) The Hot Chick

Total: 7

(X) Swimfan
-only god can judge me!! Jesse Bradford + Speedo = worth it.
( ) Miracle
( ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman

Total: 4

( ) Hitch
(x) The Fifth Element
-although at some point i tried to dig my eyes out of their sockets with a spoon.
(x)Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
( ) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
(x) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
-i will not comment on this as there are those among us who liked it. three times.
(x) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi...
(x) Troop Beverly Hills
-with Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley.
(x) Swimming with Sharks

Total: 8

( ) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
(x) Trainspotting
(x) People Under the Stairs
(x) Blue Velvet
(x) Sound of Music
-i watched this every day i worked in January.
(x) Parent Trap 1 (old)
( ) Parent Trap 2 (new)
(x) The Burbs
(x) The Terminator

Total: 7

(x) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
( ) Meet Joe Black
(x) Nightmare Before Christmas
(x) The Silence of the Lambs
(x) Red Dragon
-what, no love for Hannibal? It had Julianne Moore dammit!!
(x) Sleepy Hollow
( ) I Heart Huckabees
(X) 24 Hour Party People
( ) Blood In Blood Out
(X) The Virgin Suicides

Total: 7

ALL TOTAL: 108

listening to: Sarah Vaughan's Finest Hour
bookbag: I finished IN COLD BLOOD tonight. Loved it- next up is either Capote's OTHER VOICES, OTHER ROOMS or BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S.
dvd player: 5x2 by François Ozon. Very good... j'adore Ozon! next- The Constant Gardener. maybe.
title quote:"I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm" as performed by... Ella & Louis
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-6
what i wish i would have said: "How the hell did you get up here?" -to the customer who asked me where the escalator was.

i'm just a soul who's intentions are good/dear lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

2006-02-11T11:00:00.000-05:00

i love the new position at work. i miss my home. i like the people i work with. i miss my family.

i want to be selfish with my time and so everytime someone makes plans with me it feels like an obligation. but i don't want to make anyone feel bad by saying "no". i'm disconnecting but i feel guilty. i don't want to let anyone down, but i want to be alone. i want to go to work, alphabetize and shelve books, help customers, get back on the train, come home and hang out in my room. nothing else. i don't want to make plans with anybody. but i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings because i like them all. have been cancelling things with Lily & Gilliane, The Red Haired Goddess. have almost cancelled movie plans with Robert three times but deleted each e-mail. i will let everyone down i'm sure.

when did i go from feeling lonely & outcast to WANTING to be alone and apart? it's who i am now, though.

don't want to leave the house today.

i have a date in 4 hours. i am the most fucked up person on the planet.

i wish i was home.
-rick
listening to: Nina Simone
bookbag: In Cold Blood
dvd player: Junebug
title quote: Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood, as performed by Nina Simone
celebrity sightings: 1- Busta Rhymes was in the Chess section the other day. IN MY WAY!! I was trying to alphabetize, Busta!!
YTD Sightings-6

Stupid babies need the most attention!

2006-02-07T00:59:00.000-05:00

new haircut.
oreos.
oh yeah... and new spot in the store. that i am so loving!
plus- crushy mccrush crush getting crushier.

something bad is probably right around the corner.

listening to: Rickie Lee Jones- as recommended by the lovely & amazing Holly Palmer.
bookbag: In Cold Blood. LOVING it more than I ever expected. Picked up Other Rooms, Other Voices by Capote for my next book. All other unread books are in dresser and v. v. upset.
dvd player: The Simpsons: Season Seven
title quote: The Simpsons, "Home Sweet Home Diddly Dum Doodily"
celebrity sightings: 0. Although I thought I saw someone the other day. But now I forgot who it wasn't.
YTD Sightings-5

if love is blind, if love's a drug/it always is, it always was/then love was surely made for fools like me

2006-02-03T22:47:00.000-05:00

Okay this is more interesting to me- these are the songs i've listened to most on my computer, which is more interestingb because i'm more apt to specifically choose a song on the computer as opposed to the ipod, where i usually just shuffle it up.

1: Joan Armatrading/The weakness in me (21 plays)
2: Blur/Song 2 (17)
3: Three Finger Cowboy (12)
4: Elvis Costello/Mystery dance (11)
5: Jason Mraz/Wordplay (11)
6: Get off me! -SPACED soundbyte (11)
7: Save Ferris/Come on Eileen (11)
8: The Specials/Pressure Drop (11)
9: Barenaked Ladies/One week (10)
10: Cathy Richardson Band/Saturday (10)
11: Reel Big Fish/Take on me (10)
12: Rock-a-Teens/Woo-Hoo (10)
13: Third Eye Blind/Semi-charmed life (10)
14. Mary Lou Lord/Some Jingle Jangle Morning (9)
15. Nerf Herder/Sorry (9)
16. Semisonic/F.N.T. (9)
17. Smashmouth/All star (9)
18. Snow Patrol/Somewhere a clock is ticking (9)
19. Spin Doctors/Jimmy Olsen's blues (9)
20. Sublime/Santeria (9)
21. Throwing Muses/Bright yellow gun (9)
22. SPACED dialogue- Finished (9)
23. White Stripes/Fell in love with a girl (9)
24. Brendan Benson/Alternative to love (8)
25. Less than Jake/I think I love you (8)
26. SPACED dialogue/Jaffa cakes (8)
27. Bettye LaVette/How am i different? (7)
28. Blur/There's no other way (7)
29. Feist/Inside and out (7)
30. Fountains of Wayne/Better things (7)
31. LOCK, STOCK & TWO SMOKING BARRELS dialogue- I've been shot! (7)
32. Snow Patrol/Tiny little fractures (7)
33. Third Eye Blind/New girl (7)
34. BIG DADDY dialogue- The kiss (6-i'm so fucking embarrassed. i haven't seen the movie. but i have the cd)
35. Athlete/Wires (6)
36. Blossom Dearie/Just one of those things (Brazilian Girls remix) (6)
37. Blur/Beetlebum (6)
38. Cat Stevens/If you want to sing out, sing out (6-from HAROLD AND MAUDE you fools! you better recognize)
39. Dick Haymes/Button up your overcoat (6)
40. LOCK, STOCK & TWO SMOKING BARRELS dialogue- "It's been emotional" (6)
41. SPACED dialogue- Daisy (6)
42. Joan Jett/Bad Reputation (6-known to some as the theme from Freaks & Geeks)
43. Snow Patrol/How to be dead (6)
44. Snow Patrol/Gleaming auction (6)
45. Snow Patrol/Run (6)
46. Snow Patrol/Same (6-i must have listened to that cd quite a lot on my computer. well, six times at least)
47. The Supremes/All I Want (6-they cover the Joni Mitchell song and it is fucking awesome)
48. Allen Broyles/Today (5)
49. Bettye LaVette/I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got (5)
50. Bettye/Down to Zero (5)
51. Bettye/Only time will tell me (5)
52. Bettye/Sleep to Dream (5)
53. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy/You & me & the bottle makes three tonight (baby) (5)
54. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy/Go Daddy-O (5)
55. Green Day/American Idiot (5)
56. LOCK STOCK & TWO SMOKING BARRELS dialogue- "hortifuckinculturist" (5)
57. Jason Mraz/Curbside Prophet '04 (5)
58. Joan Jett/I love rock n roll (5)
59. Natasha Bedingfield/These words (I love you I love you I love you) (5-and i feel no shame.)
60. Pixies/Where is my mind? (5)
61. "Sergei Gurlukovich"/Shuffle up and strings (5-a piece that Dave composed for one of his movies)
62. Shawn Colvin/This must be the place (Naive melody) (5-that's the cover of the Talking Heads song I named this blog after! it's all connected, kids)
63. Snow Patrol/Wow (5)
64. Snow Patrol/Whatever's left (5)
65. Snow Patrol/Grazed knees (5)
66. Soul Asylum/Bittersweetheart (5)
67. BROKEN HEARTS CLUB dialogue- "J. Crew guy" (5)
68. 311/Down (4- wow. wow.)
69. Aimee Mann/Little Bombs (itunes version) (4)
70. Bettye LaVette/Joy (4-a fucking awesome Lucinda Williams song)
71. Bettye/The High road (4)
72. Bettye/On the surface (4)
73. Bic Runga/When I see you smile (4)
74. Bic/Get some sleep (4)
75. Bic/Election night (4)
76. Bic/Suddenly strange (4)
77. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy/I wanna be like you (4)
78. Black 47/Different drummer (4)
79. Bloc Party/Like eating glass (4)
80. Blur/Coffee & TV (4)
81. Blur/Parklife (4)
82. Blur/Girls & boys (4)
83. Brendan Benson/Cold hands (warm heart) (4)
84. Cat Stevens/Don't be shy (4-again, HAROLD AND MAUDE is the shit. netflix it or DIE. no seriously. you will be dead to me if you don't see this movie)
85. Henhouse Five/In the mood (4-from the PECKER soundtrack. it's "in the mood" performed by the clucking of chickens)
86. Honeydogs/10,000 Years (4)
87. Leela James/Don't speak (4)
88. Loretta Lynn/She's got you (4)
89. Marga Gomez/The Serious People's Collective (4-comedy. love her)
90. Mark Knopfler/Whoop De Doo (4)
91. Nina Simone/I put a spell on you (4)
92. Pixies/Planet of sound (4)
93. Pixies/Head on (4- this song is so awesome! Fuck yeah!!!!)
94. Rufus Wainwright/The art teacher (Alright, Already version) (4- clearly before Rufus equaled bad memories and was shunned from being listened to)
95. Snow Patrol/Spitting games (4)
96. Snow Patrol/Chocolate (4)
97. Snow Patrol/Ways & Means (4)
98. TRICK dialogue- Como te gusta mi pinga? (4-oy.)
99. Susie Suh/Petrified to be God-like (4)
100. Temptations/The way you do the things you do (4)

ah. pointless. but now maybe i can sleep... and so can you, dear friends. oh wait- none of you got this far.
-rick
listening to: Lisa Loeb
bookbag: In Cold Blood
dvd player: Mary Tyler Moore Show: Season Three (only 3 episodes left. sigh.)
title quote: Lisa Loeb, "Fools Like Me" from The Way It Reallly Is
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-5
what i wish i would have said: "You fucking BITCH! Get out of my store!!"
...to the woman who was walking past me with a bemused look, then stopped to tell me what she thought was so funny- a remark she thought in reference to my favorite musicseller that was quite derogatory. the fact that she fucking told me pissed me off as much as the comment itself. of course what did i really say? "oh..."

something good will come our way/maybe this good thing's gonna happen today

2006-02-03T01:15:00.000-05:00

amazing how something unexpected can change your plans.
when i got to work today, there was word that the big man wanted to talk to me. he offered me a lead position. i've been hoping for this since i got there, because it means 40 hours a week and a 75 cent raise. it may not help monumentally, but it can help. and i was talking with a girl i work with, vaguely telling her my situation- and she said maybe it was fate's way of telling me not to leave NY yet. i don't believe in fate, but it's definitely one of many things that have been pushing me to stay until July at least. Some of my friends, even my mom had suggested I do this, give it a year and then decide. And on top of that, there is The Crush. And for once, I'm talking about a crush who has a crush on me... I've spent the last week, since our pre-date, trying not to let myself get too involved... but it's just another thing that's happening to me right now, something possibly good that's on my plate-

it's scary, but i'm going to roll the dice and take these risks. New York is stuck with me for at least another six months.
-rick
listening to: Throwing Muses (2003)
bookbag: In Cold Blood
dvd player: Mary Tyler Moore: Season Three
title quote: Bic Runga, "Something Good" from Beautiful Collision
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-5

come on once again, cast off your sorrow/the long night will end, dance on the morning dew

2006-02-02T11:27:00.000-05:00

So i was depressed, bored, fucking around with the ipod playlists & figured out how to make one of my top 100 played songs. it's really no surprise... but it's like, EVERY BIC RUNGA SONG!! so i thought i'd share because... well, i'm bored and the last post was very heavy, so here's a little bullshit.

1. Bic Runga/Winning Arrow (19- and the title quote)
2. Bic/Say after me (18)
3. Bic/Birds (18)
4. Bic/If I had you (18)
5. Blur/Song 2 (16)
6. Bic/A day like today (15)
7. Bic/Listen (15)
8. Bic/Ruby nights (15)
9. Bic/No crying no more (15)
10. Bic/It's over (14)
11. Joan Armatrading/The weakness in me (14- formerly the most played song on my ipod!)
12. Bic/Captured (13)
13. Bic/Blue blue heart (13)
14. Bic/That's alright (12)
15. Three Finger Cowboy/Everybody knows (12)
16. Bic/Election night (11)
17. Bic/Precious things (11)
18. Save Ferris/Come on Eileen (11)
19. The Specials/Pressure drop (11)
20. Barenaked Ladies/One week (10)
21. Bic/When I see you smile (10)
22. Bic/Sway (10)
23. Bic/Suddenly strange (10)
24. Cathy Richardson Band/Saturday (10)
25. Elvis Costello/Mystery dance (10)
26. Jason Mraz/Wordplay (10)
27. Reel Big Fish/Take on me (10)
28. The Rock-a-Teens/Woo-Hoo (10)
29. Third Eye Blind/Semi-Charmed Life (10)
30. Bic/Counting the days (9)
31. Bic/And no more shall we part (9)
32. Mary Lou Lord/Some jingle jangle morning (9)
33. Nerf Herder/Sorry (9)
34. Semisonic/F.N.T. (9- that's Fascinating Young Thing, kids)
35. Smashmouth/All star (9)
36. Snow Patrol/Somewhere a clock is ticking (9)
37. Spin Doctors/Jimmy Olsen's blues (9)
38. Throwing Muses/Bright yellow gun (9)
39. Bic/Listening for the weather (8)
40. Bic/Good morning baby (8)
41. Bic/Beautiful collision -live (8)
42. Bic/Drive (8)
43. Bic/Bursting through (8)
44. Bic/Delight (8)
45. Bic/Good morning baby -live (8)
46. Less Than Jake/I think I love you (8)
47. Sublime/Santeria (8)
48. White Stripes/Fell in love with a girl (8)
49. Aimee Mann/Dear John (7)
50. Bic/Something good (7)
51. Bic/She left on a Monday (7)
52. Bic/Beautiful collision (7)
53. Bic/Gracie (7)
54. Bic/Something good -live (7)
55. Bic/Question to ask me (7)
56. Bic/Bursting through (7)
57. Bic/Anyone who had a heart (7)
58. Bic/Wishing on a star (7)
59. Bic/Hey (7)
60. Bic/Drive -Cars version (7)
61. Blur/There's no other way (7)
62. Fiona Apple/Oh well (7)
63. Iris Dement/My life (7-and probably cried every time)
64. Miles Davis/Summertime (7)
65. Third Eye Blind/New girl (7)
66. Bic/All fall down (6)
67. Bic/Close the door, put out the lights (6)
68. Bic/Get some sleep (6)
69. Bic/Gravity (6-shocking, it's my favorite Bic song!)
70. Bic/She left on a Monday- live (6)
71. Bic/Something good -live w/symphony (6)
72. Bic/Swim (6)
73. Bic/Something good -live (6)
74. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy/You & me & the bottle makes three tonight (6)
75. Björk/Frosti (6)
76. Blur/Beetlebum (6)
77. Dick Haymes/Button up your overcoat (6)
78. Fountains of Wayne/Better things (6)
79. Rufus Wainwright/The art teacher (6)
80. Snow Patrol/How to be dead (6)
81. Travis/All I want to do is rock (6)
82. Travis/Sing (6-it's also my ringtone! booyah!!)
83. Aimee Mann/King of the jailhouse (5)
84. Aimee/She really wants you (5)
85. Aimee/I can't help you anymore (5)
86. Aimee/I was thinking I could clean up for Christmas (5)
87. The Beatles/Yesterday (5)
88. Bic/The be all & end all (5)
89. Bic/Listening for the weather -live (5)
90. Bic/One more cup of coffee (5)
91. Bic/Ne me quitte pas (5)
92. Bic/Roll into one (5)
93. Bic/Heal (5)
94. Bic/Without you (5)
95. Bic/Drive -doordarshan mix (5)
96. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy/I wanna be like you (5)
97. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy/Go daddy-o (5)
98. Bloc Party/Like eating glass (5)
99. Fiona Apple/Extraordinary machine (5)
100. Green Day/American idiot (5)

hmm. that was pointless.

you know what? you know what? you know what? ...shut the fuck up!

2006-02-02T09:58:00.000-05:00

i think i start to feel better for a bit and think i can deal with everything, but it doesn't take long before i'm back to feeling down. maybe one thing this whole experience has taught me is that whole 'the grass isn't always greener...' lesson. i felt i was missing something in miami, came here and find that i'm missing what i already had. I'm not naive enough to think that anyone ever feels like their lives are perfect. living in Miami i felt that there were these giant holes in my life... some of them have been filled here, but none of them are as gigantic as the hole that's been growing since i moved- the feeling of loss i have about being away from my family. i would give anything if i could combine all the best parts of my life somehow, but it's just not possible. hell, if i could do that i might also be able to travel back in time and stop myself from doing stupid things like dropping out of school, getting myself into an unsurmountable amount of credit card debt and ever meeting Matt Levine or Edwin.
i don't want to care about any of it anymore. if it wasn't for the money thing (oh, money how you suck) i would pick up and leave right now. i find myself trying to disconnect already. and of course, i've met someone, who likes me, who i could totally like if it wasn't for the fact that i'm thinking "what's the point, when i'm leaving?" and i wish i could have left like yesterday. the decision's been made, why am i delaying this? it's been suggested that i at least give it until July... and I've considered that. but it's like, why become any more rooted when it's going to be hard enough to leave as it is?
It's the job... having to ask for the transfer back to Miami... I absolutely don't want to work at my old store. Not after the manager in charge of helping me get my transfer here sent me up without a job, i don't think i could stand to be near him. and working at the BN here has been the job i've enjoyed the most and having to go back to one of the ass backwards BNs in Miami is going to suck. a lot. but then, so will learning to drive and having to deal with a car. but that's one thing that i'm thinking will have to happen for me to live back home... because after living with x+j and all of the friends i have here, the thing i'll miss most is the subways- or at least the independence they give me. of course the transit system in miami sucks- the buses are fewer & farther between, which means a trip to work could take 2 hours- if the bus even shows up on schedule.
but the point is that despite it's imperfections, home is where i want to be.
besides, maybe i can convince them to move to Fort Myers or something.

-rick

listening to: 50 foot wave/Golden Ocean. because it's loud and aggressive.
bookbag: In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
dvd player: Mary Tyler Moore: Season Three
title quote: 50 Foot Wave, "Pneuma" from Golden Ocean
celebrity sightings: 0 (where, hiding away in my room? i think not.)
YTD Sightings-5

where the shadows fall by the mountain pass/the 2 in the morning shade through the glass

2006-01-28T10:19:00.000-05:00

So I've made my decision. I'm moving back to Miami. Possibly not till the lease is up in July, maybe sooner. Things have to be discussed, sorted out, figured. I'll miss the independence granted by the subway, living with X+J, Lily & Gilliane, the red-haired goddess, the BN which is the best place I've ever worked... But I can't afford to stay. And I can't be this far from my family for so long, and that's what's most important to me right now. I do have to shake off this feeling that I'm letting everybody down. I have to do what feels right to me and disregard what other people think. Which is essentially what got me into this situation to begin with... but I can't regret the experience as it's been amazing. It's taught me a lot about myself. But you know... "if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard."
which i think is a lot more spacious since i left, what with the hurricanes knocking down the patio and all.

i came home last night to find a kitten. we are kitten-sitting over the weekend. and she's the cutest thing ever. she's meowing outside my door right now and you know... i have to go play with the kitten!!!
rick

listening to: Holly Palmer/tenderhooks. damn, you all just don't know... damn.
bookbag: Men of Tomorrow: Gangsters, Geeks & the Birth of the Comic Book by Gerard Jones. Looking forward to the next book.
dvd player: Mary Tyler Moore Show: Season Three
title quote: Holly Palmer, "mannequins" from TENDERHOOKS. Look, just- YOU GO HERE!: http://www.myspace.com/hollypalmer
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-5

if i could be two places at one time, i'd be with you/tomorrow + today, beside you all the way

2006-01-26T11:34:00.000-05:00

Big week! Dave flew in on Friday. We immediately came home (the train/bus ride to LaGuardia is too damn long) and proceeded to hang out. Had pizza with the flatmates and watched RED EYE, which I really liked and wanted them all to see. So we watched it! And, well... I really liked it.

Saturday Dave & I took a ride to Cypress Hills Cemetary (I almost got him killed by jumping into the A train while the doors were closing and felt like a horrible brother) to find Jackie Robinson's grave. Which we did... 2.5 hours later. Still, cool cemetary. Not cool? The J train. Pretty sure that during the rest of my time here, I won't be riding the J anywhere. It makes me really nervous. Anyway- after Cypress Hills, we went to Midtown, specifically to Cozy's for burgers & fries. Then hit Forbidden Planet (for the first time, it ROCKS and I proudly didn't spend any money) and visited my work. Then down to Academy Records, where Dave found a couple of dvds. Back home to make chili and watch The Corpse Bride!

Sunday was awesome as we went to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, which I was a little wary about. I thought it would be fun and knew that Dave would be psyched to see Jonathan Pryce. I was really surprised that it kicked ass. It was soooo hysterical and Norbert Leo Butz? Kicked ass. Plus, my beloved Sherie Rene Scott- yes, I saw Jamie & Cathy from LAST 5 YEARS. It was really great- and while it was of course not as jawdropping as Sweeney Todd, it was fantastic on a whole other level. So much fun. I was a stage door geek and got Jonathan Pryce & Gregory Jbara to sign my playbill. Woo-hoo!! Afterwards, we went to the Diner for dinner, came home and had game night!

Monday was a rain day, so we stayed home, watched dvds and hung out.

Tuesday we hit Central Park (Strawberry Fields; Cleopatra's Needle; Bethesda Fountain, of course) and had a giant movie night with the flatmates, Gilliane + the Red Haired Goddess. Magnficent Seven. It kicked ass! (ok we may have also watched some of American Idol for the bad singers... I love that shit)

Yesterday, back to the airport, back to Miami for Dave and back home for me. super bummed, but feeling a little better knowing that I've got a plan and that sooner or later I'll be back with my family. I guess that all this comes down to the old saying "Home is where the heart is." My heart is definitely with my family- and for all the great things this city has to offer, it doesn't have what's most important to me.

ok enough introspection. time to get up and do laundry. grrr.
-rick

listening to: Bill Burr/Emotionally Unavailable
bookbag: um. that comic book book. haven't read it in like, a week.
dvd player: Mary Tyler Moore Show: Season 3
title quote: "If" by Bread. Although I was clearly quoting Dolly Parton's version of it.
celebrity sightings: 2 *Pryce & Jbara at the stage door
YTD Sightings-5
what i wish i would have said: "I'd like a ticket to Miami, please."

we could get carried away/it could have happened to anyone/on a day like today

2006-01-21T09:20:00.000-05:00

my online crush said that i hang the damn moon.

***swoon***

in a portugese saloon/a fly is circling round the room/you soon forget the tune that they play/for that's the part you throw away

2006-01-20T11:44:00.000-05:00

oh, nevermind. none of you will be going with me.... it's $75 bucks.
http://www.thecarlyle.com/entertainment.cfm

um. i'll be going alone, nevertheless.

title quote: Ute Lemper, "the part you throw away" from Punishing Kiss (by Tom Waits)

my darling try to face the facts/the only thing you lack/is me

2006-01-20T11:16:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up and looked like Agent Cooper.

"Coop?"

but more importantly? IT IS SO FUCKING ON!!!!
from http://www.utelemper.com/
Ute Lemper will be at the Café Carlyle on:
February 7-11, 14-18, 21-25th
on tuesdays-thursdays at 8:45
fridays-saturdays at 8:45 & 10:00
WHO IS GOING WITH ME?????????????? i am going to buy tickets for sure for sure. i don't know how much they are or where to get them but dammit, one of my biggest things about coming to NYC was that i could see the lovely Ute perform live!! Ohmigod I have to watch her dvd RIGHT NOW except that I can't because I have to leave in an hour to meet Dave at the airport. aaah!! Now, which of my friends will I be subjecting to this, as it is a cabaret show and no one I know is remotely that gay? hmmm.

rick

listening to: Ute Lemper playlist.
bookbag: The Men of Tomorrow: Geeks, Gangsters & the Birth of the Comic Book by Gerard Jones
dvd player: Mary Tyler Moore Show: Season Three
title quote: Ute Lemper, "You Were Meant For Me" from Punishing Kiss
celebrity sightings: 1: Ric Ocasek was in the store again and this time, we interacted! AND I didn't make an ass out of myself! I fucking helped one of the Cars!!!
YTD Sightings-3
what i wish i would have said: "The Cars is only one of the best albums ever, dammit! You rock!!" instead? I said... "Do you have our membership card?"

well i wake up every morning & the first thing that i say is that i hope that i can make it through another lonely day

2006-01-18T04:38:00.000-05:00

oh fuck this day.
Inventory. Left work at 2:30 AM. that's 12.5 hours, kids. Yeah, there was a yummy slice of pizza (Red Haired Goddess doesn't lie!) but oh my GOD i hate doing inventory.
then i get out, go to catch my train. it's 3 in the morning, i'm tired and lately as a result of the sudafed have been feeling very disoriented. so when the train gets there, i apparently walked past an open door- because when i got to the door next to the conductor, they'd already closed. I was like "hey, wait for me!" -very smily and shit. and he's like, "why didn't you get in that car?" I look over and realize what I did and I'm like, "ohh. i don't know" Sorta as if to say how about that? He looks at me like I'm an alien or something and then... DOESN'T OPEN THE DOOR. In fact, the train pulls out. And I'm left standing thinking YOU fucking asshole...
When I get on the next train, all is well until some creepy guy cruises me. I don't know if I'm flattered or not. I don't feel flattered, I felt creeped out. I stomped off the train and all the way home, had a hot shower and am now going to sleep.

so that i can get up in 5 hours and do it all again. fuck.

if this was any other day i'd turn & walk the other way/today i'll stay not walk, just rock...

2006-01-17T11:51:00.000-05:00

what is up with this fucking asshole saying that God must be mad at America? THE FUCKING MAYOR OF NEW ORLEANS!?!? Sorry did we just go back in time hundreds of years or something?

ok that's about as much as I have to say about that.

Inventory tonight. Not looking forward to it... sort of wish I wasn't such an extra hours whore and had simply said "no" as far as staying for inventory, just agreed to close. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

Had a bit of a horrible flash this morning. Soon E. & the Fuckwit will be moving up- will they visit Lily here? Do I have the right to banish them from ever stepping foot in the flat? Common sense would dictate that they'd not come here as... Dishonest Untrustworthy Straight Up Phony me lives here- and I'm clearly the devil so they'd avoid coming here. right? could I maybe do a cleansing spell or something? Anyway, so much for E's hopes of civility. That kinda disappeared when fuckwit sent me that e-mail. Grrr. I musta had some fucking dream to inspire these thoughts because seriously what the hell?? Granted, lately even Lily seems like an occassional visitor to the flat.

Been trading e-mails with Craigslist Guy. Yaay. I did realize today that my life is starting to seem a bit like You've Got Mail. Will I meet him only to discover that he's the man who put my children's bookstore out of business? You all know how much I like thinking of myself as Meg Ryan...

sorry. i just... threw up a little in my mouth.

Red Haired Goddess has loaned me 2 Invader Zim dvds, making the dvds I got for my birthday/Christmas very angry as they're being ignored for the Zim.

Hijacked the stereo at work yesterday & played a Bic mix that I made. Some people asked who it was, so - yaay!

um. that's all I've got. My brother's coming for a visit on Friday!! I'm really psyched, wondering how I'm going to keep him entertained all this time...

and now I have to go get bread. Oh shit. I have to leave for work in 50 minutes and still have to like... shower. I am the laziest person in the world.
rick
listening to: Bic Runga, Live with Christchurch Symphony Orchestra
bookbag: Men of Tomorrow: Geeks, Gangsters & the Birth of the Comic Book by Gerard Jones
dvd player: Invader Zim!! doom doom doom doom doom!
title quote: Travis, "All I Wanna Do Is Rock" from GOOD FEELING
celebrity sightings: 1- Peter Dinklage of The Station Agent & Elf. Yes, the "little midget guy" himself. This is the second time I've seen him- He was at Sweeney Todd when J+I went! I helped him find a cd wallet at work. Hooray!
YTD Sightings-2
what i wish i would have said: "You're an ANGRY elf!" no. i'm kidding. i wouldn't have said that. and X is the one who said "little midget guy." please don't hurt me.

someone said you were leaving but i don't feel a thing at all/till the ghost of your memory beats drums down every hall

2006-01-14T23:53:00.000-05:00

went to work today. pretty much useless, though. cold rainy day. came home to a mailbox full of guys, so that's nice. two pairs of socks are better than one. tired of peanut butter sandwiches, soup and gatorade. feel very screwed about missing DiFara's last night, but the Red Haired Goddess and Jen-Who-I-Will-Come-Up-With-A-Kickass-Nickname-For had Thai instead. Nice girls. Many things going through my mind tonight. Don't need to be thinking about any of it. Need to watch this here episode of Gilmore Girls and eat my stupid pb sandwich and go to sleep.

-rick

listening to: The episode of Gilmore Girls I Tivoed
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman. almost done... have to decide what to read next. Northanger Abbey? Thank You For Smoking? Fran & Zooey? Mirror, Mirror? Too. Many. Choices!!
dvd player: Crimes of the Heart
title quote: Bic Runga, "Blue Blue Heart" from BIRDS
celebrity sightings: 1: Scott Speedman. In my store. Wearing headphones & perusing our Soul section. I didn't approach him- Speedman intimidates me.
YTD Sightings-1
what i wish i would have said: "yo, speedman."

you'll find that pretty creatures do ugly things to people

2006-01-13T14:06:00.000-05:00

NyQuil.
Doctor Zhivago.
Bed.
ARGH.

love ends in a fire/fire through the streets/set them alight/don't say your goodbyes/say after me/i'll go my own way, baby

2006-01-11T23:56:00.000-05:00

Just a heads up- the January issue of pictures and frames is up at www.picturesandframesmagazine.com
it includes my review of Bic Runga's album, BIRDS, which btw was named Album of the Year by the New Zealand Herald. Yaay, Bic!

feeling crappy,
rick
dvd player: Crazed Fruit
title quote: Bic Runga, "Say After Me" from BIRDS
what i wish i would have said: "you're kidding, right?"

i just don't know what to do with myself

2006-01-11T17:26:00.000-05:00

Being sick, day 103808817089:

grr. stayed in bed all of sunday/monday. went to work yesterday, for shits & giggles. probably a mistake. in bed all day today. watched some scary movies. ate waffles. pajamas. halls throat lozenges. Red Eye kicked ass. Craigslist guy made me laugh with his version of King Kong's finale, in which Samara from The Ring shows up as she's been looking for a monkey, not a mommy! this made me watch the second Ring again. I love the scary CGI deer. Sissy Spacek is in it. SISSY SPACEK!! tonight is project runway. must feel better for Friday night's DiFara's journey, dammit.

-rick
listening to: nuthin.
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman (Jill Thompson rocks)
dvd player: 2046
title quote: Dusty Springfield. It's lame, I know... I'M SICK!!
celebrity sightings: 0 (Where, in my sick bed?)
what i wish i would NOT have said: "frottage" was maybe TMI.

can't you feel the fever like i do?

2006-01-08T17:23:00.000-05:00

so since my last post, the red haired goddess inspired me to answer a craigslist ad. so i did, with no expectations. as an experiment.

also since my last post, i have had to cancel the big plans to see King Kong as i feel much worse than i did in the last two days and seem to have a fever. argh. I blame the L train for not running last night, making me walk in the cold to catch the F elsewhere when I was already feeling crappy. The L owes me a movie night.

so i spent the afternoon in bed updating my tribe.net profile and just generally surfing around that site. and i feel like crap. and i will feel really guilty if i have to call out tomorrow. especially after getting a wee bit of a guilt trip about calling out on Friday morning. argh.

-rick

listening to: nothing!
bookbag: stays in the bookbag.
dvd player: Hitchcock dammit, I can still watch dvds...
title quote: Kylie, "Fever" from... FEVER
celebrity sightings: 0 (but maybe i'll have a fever dream and Trent Reznor will FINALLY show up)
what i wish i would have said: yesterday. on the phone. to work. "I still don't feel well & can't come in..."

i've got MONKEYS in me!!

2006-01-08T14:43:00.000-05:00

millions of people are waitin' on love/and this is a song about people like us

2006-01-08T11:13:00.000-05:00

awww- why the red haired goddess is awesome: I wondered if her Craigslist guy had a gay brother who liked cross-eyed overweight girly voiced guys. She replied by saying it's possible that there's a brother interested in non-cross-eyed, formerly overweight, soft spoken guys. Clearly, a glass-is-half-full kinda girl. Anyway. I decided to scroll through the M4M personals on craigslist and of course it's nothing but rim jobs & daddies, which reminded me why i'm not interested in searching. I keep getting the Dar Williams lyric "just be alone" in my head. Still sound advice.
Off today. More Talking Heads and reading planned. Oh, and King Kong tonight!!

listening to: Talking Heads/TRUE STORIES
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman
dvd player: Alfred Hitchcock Presents
title quote: Talking Heads, "People Like Us" from TRUE STORIES
celebrity sightings: 0, but I'm keeping my eyes open for Michelle Williams & Heath Ledger now that they live in Brooklyn.

me and them red shoes/nothing can please us

2006-01-08T01:08:00.000-05:00

so my wonderful friend the red haired goddess put up some random post on craigslist to find someone to go see this comedy show with. who replies but this amazing, smart guy... from Spain... who's gorgeous. and they have another date set up for next week.
...could it possibly be that easy? i really feel like that's something that would NEVER happen to me. i do have this hangup about not feeling like i could date someone i just met. granted, my one date-like experience this year was pretty easy (as was I in the end...)- granted the reason i may have felt so comfortable with him was that we'd spent a few weeks trading e-mails. but after hearing the red haired goddess tell me about this, i thought about it. for an example, i used the Hot Undercover Guy Who Shall Not Be Named. He's this really cute guy I've been quietly lusting after for a while (*not* crushing on as i refuse to crush anymore, except for unattainable celebrities) and I thought about it- if (in some nonexistent fantasy world) he walked up to me and asked to take me out somewhere after work... i'd totally be like, "Ohhh i can't. I um. I ah... eek" I guess it's about just taking a chance every now and then. "Go get him, tiger!!"

¡viva espagna!
-rick

listening to: David Byrne/Rei Momo
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King
dvd player: Alfred Hitchcock Presents
title quote: Patty Griffin, "Flaming Red" from FLAMING RED
celebrity sightings: 0, although I thought I saw Julia Stiles today. Alas, it was not so.
what i wish i would have said: after being bumped/pushed into four times in 5 minutes... by customers at work! "I swear I will vomit on the next person to bump into me and believe me- I HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY!"

I will give you tacos. OH, SUCH TACOS WILL I GIVE!!

2006-01-07T12:46:00.000-05:00

So yesterday I slept for many hours before I woke up and decided that the only appropriate way to spend a sick day is by reading the stack of untouched Entertainment Weekly magazines (All of December's issues!!) and listening to my Talking Heads box set at a very loud volume. Bonus- each cd is a dualdisc with the album on the dvd side in 5.1 stereo. Sooooo hopefully keeping my door closed kept most of the music in my room so that Chris wasn't disturbed by the fact that I had to play the second version of "Burning Down the House" five times in a row because the 5.1 mix is SO FUCKING AWESOME!! Yes, I'm a geek. Who did not know that??

I also watched many episodes of INVADER ZIM which is my latest addiction. SO brilliant. I *heart* Gir!!

Alas, today I still feel pseudo-crappy, but will be going in to work anyway. I must feel good tomorrow, for tomorrow we go to my favorite movie theatre in Brooklyn to see KING KONG. (At last!!) So if yer reading this um... you're probably nowhere near New York & stopping by the store to see me is an impossibility. But if it is, do drop in and say hi, or just watch me try not to pass out (which oddly enough almost happened when I was going into the kitchen to make my breakfast this morning. I got dizzy- hee hee!! YAAAY!!!)

Shut your noise tube, taco human!
-rick
listening to: Talking Heads/True Stories
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman
dvd player: Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Season One
title quote: Invader Zim from "Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain"
celebrity sightings: 0- although last night a previously sighted celebrity, Christian Campbell, was on television. I was like- "Christian Campbell? I touched his arm. That's right..."

i'm okay/i know nothing's wrong

2006-01-06T11:46:00.000-05:00

Called out from work today. Not feeling fantastic, but mostly just tired. For some reason I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I hate it when you KNOW you have to wake up early the next morning and have to say Okay, now i'm going to shut out the light and go to sleep- when you know that you're wide awake and sleep isn't coming anytime soon. So you just lay in bed telling yourself: Sleep. SLEEP! No, for real. Sleep.

Then to top it off and in keeping with the weird dreams this week, I had to have a dream featuring the one person I don't wanna dream about. Well, okay not the ONE person I don't want to dream about, because there's so many people it would be worse to dream about. Like Hitler. Or Satan. Or our president. R. Kelly. This person's fuckwit boyfriend. Sorry, I have anger issues. Point is- arghfuckgrrrr!!!! It was a stupid dream, too- there was a giant holiday feast. Many people were there, including some people from my job (bonus- scary/hot guy was there. true to form he walked right past me, nearly knocking me down in his rush to avoid eye contact.) and I think my Aunt was hosting it, although it wasn't at her house. I was being very nice & chivalrous to this person. Which we all know is what I would still do in reality... fuck I would even be civilized with the fuckwit boyfriend who created AngryRick- but come ON why do I need to dream about it? And couldn't it have been a dream that allowed me to get out some of the anger & agression about the situation instead of a whole "and I turned the other cheek, just like Jesus would have done" kind of thing? Someone else and I were picking this person up from a bus or something. It suddenly started raining and they both ran under shelter... but I saw that he had dropped this book that I knew was very valuable to him, so I went back for it. Retarded. But couldn't I have like, thrown it into a puddle at least?? All in all, I would have preferred a sequel to the dream involving the hot straight guy in his boxers.

right, that's it.
-rick
still thinking that aside from the amazing performances, Brokeback Mountain? Highly overrated.

listening to: Nellie McKay/Rumor Has It EP
bookbag: Hanging out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman
dvd player: Drawn Together: Season One
title quote: Talking Heads "This Must Be The Place (Naïve Melody)" from SPEAKING IN TONGUES
celebrity sightings: 0 (An embarrassing lack of celebrity comings and goings in our flat. Must be worked on)

one day i slowly floated away

2006-01-05T11:39:00.000-05:00

This week's theme is odd dreams.
Yesterday morning I had this dream in which I was living in this building with a bunch of people- we each had our own floor. One floor was very busy with a party & lots of people- JW had a cameo, in which I needled him mercilessly about something. I went back up to my floor and- oh, I can't tell this story here. Let's say it involved a friend's straight brother and that between us we were wearing one t-shirt and one pair of boxer shorts and that just when things were about to get interesting, I woke up. Oh, and the apartment was super cool.
This morning's dream was even stranger. I was at work, in the break room (although it was not the same break room that's there now) getting ready to leave. There was an overnight shift coming in, none of whom I recognized except for Carl & James... I was putting on my sweater & my shoes & socks (??) only to realize that there was a stack of socks on the break room table (eww) and I didn't know which were mine. Then I was putting on James' sweater instead of my own. Basically I was a giant mess. Apparently I was on the way to the airport to pick up Dave. So I *finally* get my shit together and get out of the building. Then there was a whole street-crossing thing that I don't remember very well at all, except that I had my ipod on and was singing aloud, which I never do. Then I think I took a shortcut through a hospital, but came out on the other side without any shoes. I was running through the snow & mud in bare feet- at least I was until the right side of my torso parted ways with the rest of me and I was floating into the sky. Pieces started to detach, much like Humpty Dumpty, only instead of falling down, I was floating up. This did not concern me, as I was still dialing numbers on my cellphone, which had split into two parts as well, and floating/flying towards wherever I was going to find my brother. Eventually I was floating over this trio of uniformed cops, who called out to me. Apparently I did this all the time & they knew how to get me down. They also mentioned having to call Robin Williams, who was possibly my therapist. And then I woke up. Anybody want to explain this one?

In other news, I dropped out of today's J&R expedition because it's supposed to rain. AKA I want to stay in bed all day and watch Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Tomorrow night's plan is also going to be pushed back a week. And I'm okay with that. Did go out last night after work with N~ to have tofu puffs and drinks. I had a coke, though. This reminds me: Alcohol makes you a winner. We've been doing game nights at the flat as we have recently added several games to our collection. I have lost on every previous game night at every game we've played. However, on Monday night we played Scrabble and I won. This is actually the first time I've ever won a game of Scrabble. Naturally, I attributed this to the fact that I had been drinking a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade. So on Tuesday when we played Trivial Pursuit- the Book Lovers Edition, which is very difficult, I had another bottle. And won the game. Bring on Spongebob Squarepants Life, bitches!! I got yer Clue right here! Poker? Sure, I've never played it... except for that movie I made with Dave... but as long as I've got the Hard Lemonade, I WILL KICK YOUR ASSES. Punks.

-rick.

listening to: Joni Mitchell/Songs of a Prairie Girl
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman
dvd player: Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Season One
title quote: "One Day I Slowly Floated Away" by Eisley from ROOM NOISES
celebrity sightings: 0 -where are you all? Fuck, I haven't even seen Ric Ocasek or Sam Shepard & they're ALWAYS around.
what i wish i would have said: To the guy who brought back a Scissor Sisters cd because it made an awful noise everytime he put it into the cd player: "There's nothing wrong with the disc. The album is just that bad."

this paint by numbers life is fucking with my head once again

2006-01-03T22:12:00.000-05:00

so pretty much all i wanna do is go in to work, do my time and then come home and hide in my room. in a way i feel like i'm devolving to the rick of yesteryear, feeling antisocial wanting nothing more than to be at home in my room watching dvds. i can feel myself detaching from a lot of the people around me (although there are those that i feel i'm getting closer to as well. there you go i'm eternally conflicted). i have to admonish myself to stop from completely hermitting- like, "yes you will go to J&R with N. on Thursday- it doesn't matter that you don't have money to spend, it'll be fun to go!" "You are going out for pizza after work Friday, no backing out! Pizza is good!" I'm like fucking FRANKENSTEIN: "Friend good. Alone bad." It doesn't help that the cold makes you really not want to leave the house or that my latest attempts at going out were less than successful. Anyway, on one hand I think that it is a bit detrimental to go back to my un-socializing ways... but then where is it written that you have to be a social creature to be happy? Probably in the same place it's written that you must find a partner to be happy. But you know what makes me happy? Being at home with the flatmates. Having a really yummy pizza. Sitting in my warm-ish room watching LIFEBOAT and WHITE CHRISTMAS. I don't need or want anything else at this point. Except of course for hottie of the day: Trent Reznor. (how very mid-to-late-90s of me)

-rick
listening to: Joni Mitchell/Songs of a Prairie Girl
bookbag: Hanging with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman
dvd player: Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Season One
title quote: "Novocaine for the Soul" by "E" from Eels/Beautiful Freak
celebrity sightings: 0 (no snow=no Trent at our door)

here's hoping that the days ahead/won't be as bitter as the ones behind you/be an optimist instead/somehow happiness will find you

2006-01-01T00:14:00.000-05:00

forget what happened yesterday/i know that better things are on their way.. -Ray Davies, "Better Things"

So I'm not a big believer in the whole New Year's thing. It could be because of the fact that I am an eternal pessimist, but I've never been one to believe that the oncoming of a new year is something exciting, heralding a year of changes and better things. Possibly because in the past every year has been the same thing. However... as much as 2005 sucked (and it really truly sucked), for once I can say that I had a truly life-changing year. Here I am, living away from my family, which I never would have expected. Living in New York Fucking City- which I truly never would have expected. And despite the fear, the stress & worry- I'm getting by. So much like Mary Tyler Moore, I "could just make it after all!"
This still doesn't make me think anything special about 2006. At the kickoff of the year, I'm already concerned about the amount of hours I'll be getting at work, I'm still not very happy with my new job in the store and still worried (maybe more than before) that in August I'll be packing up and going back to Miami. So this first post on a new blog on the first day of the year shouldn't be translated as me waking up from some kind of Scroogelike night of dreams to declare that it's the new year and I think everything's going to be fantastic now that there's a fresh start to a brand new year. Rather, it's an acknowledgement that 2005 came and went and changed me in ways I didn't expect, causing me to really wonder what 2006 will bring... with my trademark morbid curiousity rather than any kind of wide eyed enthusiasm. i don't do wide eyed enthusiasm.

How did I spend New Year's Eve? Well, after a really fucking bad day on Friday, I went home to X+J and began the weekend off by watching J. play this hysterical videogame- the point of which is to roll things up into a giant ball so that it can become a star or something? You roll up like scooters, then trees, people, houses, sperm whales, fighting dinosaurs, buildings, and eventually, J. rolled up the Sun. It's really fucking cool. Then we watched Project Runway, our latest guilty pleasure. Saturday was a very mellow day- started off watching a bit of the new Directors Label box set, which I got with a gift certificate that L. gave me. Trent Reznor is looking damn good these days, renewing an old celebrity crush (can my one NY resolution be to restrict my crushes to celebrities? done). I saw the video for this Jay-Z song, "99 Problems" which was really fucking amazing. I heard the first line- "I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one" and immediately wanted to mute the sound, but ended up thinking that it's a really great track. But fuck- it's hard to reconcile with my distaste for the violence & misogyny that hip hop is teeming with... So I went to itunes with the gift card that X's mom gave me for Christmas and got the song... only they had the accapella version! Fuuuuuck. Started to watch Johnny Cash's video for "Hurt" but it's still too sad, possibly one of the most gut wrenching videos ever. Watched the nine inch nails videos "Closer" and "The Perfect Drug" a zillion times instead- whether he's blindfolded & handcuffed pretty Trent of '94 or Victorian Edward Gorey goatee Trent of '96 or sideburns & collared shirt Trent of '05, I want him. *sigh* Oh yeah, I watched some videos from the other dvds, too... but apparently Mark Romanek is my favorite volume this go around. Then I watched The Interpreter, which Dave gave me. Yaay Nicole Kidman. It was really good- plus, they were in Brooklyn. They actually filmed a subway bit at our station, but the train was supposed to be the L. How's that for useless trivia? Anyway, later on I made dinner for X+J for the first time! It's this recipe that my mom has, called "slop" after the noise it makes when you serve it. It's not as bad as it sounds & I think I'm going to re-name it. Anyway, it was pretty easy to make, although I did manage to drop the salt shaker behind the oven. I was really happy with it, but more exciting is that the flatmates liked it- even X, who is a notoriously picky eater! That sort of made my night, as I feel like I can finally contribute something culinary to the flat. So we ate & watched The Stewie Griffin Story, then played Trivial Pursuit- The Book Lover's Edition and Spongebob Squarepants Life until like 3:30 in the morning. Which may sound incredibly lame, but it was the perfect New Year's Eve for me & exactly what I had hoped to do this weekend- a lot of nothing. Here it is, 12:15 in the afternoon and I'm still in bed. Yaay weekend off!

-rick
listening to: Robbie Williams/Intensive Care
bookbag: still undecided- shall I start "Thank You For Smoking" or "Conversations with the Dream King?"
dvd player: The Wizard of Oz
title quote: Ray Davies & The Kinks/Better Things
celebrity sightings: 0 -this will probably not change today unless Trent Reznor shows up at the flat, which J. promised me would happen after I wished for snow and then got "snow-rain."